This Week's Wacks

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January 23rd, 2009

President Bush gave his final speech as president last Thursday night on national television. He told viewers that our country needed to remain on constant guard, knowing that those who would do us harm are among us. But, enough about the oil companies!

President Bush gave his farewell speech last Thursday, asking that we remember what he did over the past 8 years. Oh, I'll remember... every time I look at the balance of my 401K.

The fifth season of "Lost" kicks off Wednesday night. It's the perfect show for people who dislike TV programs that make too much sense.

In the news today, a US Airways jet had to make a soft landing on Jennifer Hudson.

Today is "Inauguration Day"... or, as President Bush likes to call it, "Egg Nog Gyration Day."

Today is the day we swear in a new president... and swear off the old one.

As President Bush leaves office, the big question remains hanging: What did the president know? Not about any particular incident, just in general: did he know anything?

It's official: the only celebrity NOT in Washington, D.C. for Barack Obama's inauguration -- Paul Blart, Mall Cop. He had to work.

Superbowl 43 is set: it'll be the Cardinals versus the Steelers. Sounds like the plot of a bad Dan Brown novel.

Dick Cheney was in a wheelchair at the inauguration because he pulled a muscle in his back. Plus, he got a real cool parking space.

Apparently, Cheney pulled the muscle in his back while trying to lift up the price of oil just one more time before leaving.

Even so, Inauguration Security Forces say they'll STILL check him for silverware on the way out.

What bothered Dick Cheney the most was when people walked up to his wheelchair and said, "Happy Inauguration Day, Mr. Potter!"

In his inauguration speech, Barack Obama offered his praise and support to his new Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. Of course, he offered both to Joe Biden first, to see which one he wanted.

The most embarrassing event of the inauguration came when police tried to break up a small crowd and it turned out to be Aretha Franklin.

And while most of the security measures were centered around Barack Obama, they also made sure that outgoing President Bush sat behind shoe-proof glass.

President Bush is already hard at work on his official presidential library. He's just trying to decide which Legoland to put it in.

An artist has carved a bigger-than-life size ice sculpture of Al Gore in Fairbanks, Alaska. Sarah Palin says she'll be able to see it melt from her front porch.

The 5-ton ice sculpture is said to be an exact replica of Al Gore, just more animated.

Well, Barack Obama has been president for one full day now and we still haven't turned around the country. Just as I suspected...

"Lost" is back on Wednesday nights. Others say "Lost" is now back in Texas.

Yes, former President Bush is now living back in Texas, so he can be closer to the Dixie Chicks.

Barack and Michelle Obama did it! They went to all 10 of the inaugural balls held in their honor. Talk about a lot of balls!

Barack Obama announced today that he's running for re-election in four years... if for no other reason, to get another shot of doing the oath right.

Maybe what Bush had was contagious?

Well, so far, so good. Barack Obama has been president over 24 hours and has yet to call in Jack Bauer.

Amy Winehouse's dad says the singer was recently at death's door. Fortunately for Amy, death looked outside and was afraid to open the door.

Warner Brothers is going to cut 800 jobs over the next couple of weeks. Employees will know when the final cuts are made with the announcement, "Uh-thee-uh---thee-thee-thee-that's all, folks!"

I don't want to say that things are tough at Warner Brothers, but today's special at the commissary is "Frog's Legs."

A musical based on the life of Barack Obama is going to hit the stage in London March 5th. The good news: It's NOT called "Obama Mia."

Former French president Jacques Chirac had to be rushed to the hospital
after being mauled by his own "clinically depressed" white Maltese dog.
How do you get mauled by a Maltese?

Caroline Kennedy announced she was no longer interested in Hillary
Clinton's seat. Oh, wait... no, that was Bill Clinton.

President Bush is said to have left a note on the desk for the new
president, Barack Obama. Obama didn't reveal the content of the note, other
than to say it was some of the best writing he'd even seen using a crayon.

I watched the season premiere of "Lost". It was my first time watching the
show. I can see why they call it that.


   1. Pick up President Bush's toys in the Oval Office
   2. Get those 5,000 Porta Potties OUT OF HERE!
   3. Make Aretha Franklin our 51st state
   4. Offer something to Hillary first before Mrs. Biden
   5. Rehearse the presidential oath for next time


   1. The future is actually the present and... oh, heck with it: what's on Fox?
   2. Jack explains the plain crashed when someone recognized him, said "Hi Jack" and everybody panicked
   3. Three missing passengers are explained. Also why Hurley hasn't lost any weight.
   4. After four years on the island, the survivors discover a Sandals resort on the other side
   5. Sawyer reveals his first name is Tom
                       LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                                                                                                                                      

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week which explains what happened a few weeks ago to that US AIR flight

PSPS--Something new!  It's my very own, long-threatened, now-actually-a-reality blog page.  I look forward to hearing what YOU have to say: Click here