This Week's Wacks
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January 30th, 2009
Brad Pitt's movie, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," picked up 13 Oscar nominations. The night of the awards, Brad plans to recreate the movie, going from 13 nominations to walking away empty-handed.
Hillary has been sworn-in as our country's new Secretary of State. Party at Bill's house.
Now we hear that Caroline Kennedy withdrew from consideration for Hillary's Senate Seat because of an assortment of skeletons in her closet. If you just arrived on this planet, that's very rare for a Kennedy.
Heath Ledger's relatives say that they're excited the late actor earned an Oscar nominated and thrilled that, should he win, they'd have something else to fight over.
Kelly Osbourne has checked into rehab. Boy, who could have seen THAT coming?
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi boldly wants to add birth control funding to the new economic "stimulus" package. Apparently, not all stimulation is going to help the economy.
More layoffs at Starbucks. In just a week, the company has gone from Venti to Grande.
The governor of New York has chosen a replacement for Hillary Clinton. Bill Clinton commented, "Big deal. I do that all the time!"
Sunday night, the annual SAG awards were presented... .honoring all those actors and actresses who refuse to get plastic surgery.
President Obama's approval rating is at an all-time high of 68%, compared to outgoing President George Bush, who left owing 17 points.
Tough times for Playboy magazine. They're closing its New York offices and canceling its annual Super Bowl party. But I want you to know, I only care because of the articles.
Al Gore was supposed to testify in front of congress today about the dangers of global warming ... but a huge snowstorm may keep him away. I believe that is called "global irony."
Home Depot has joined the companies announcing layoffs. Now, you really can do it: they can't help!
Oprah Winfrey says she has absolutely no interest in becoming a U.S. Senator. Think about it: why would she a pay cut?
Chefs in Mexico spent 60 hours and created a 2-ton strawberry cheesecake. You can almost feel your jeans get tighter just reading about it.
A woman in California has given birth to octuplets. Kids today are just too afraid to come out by themselves.
In Washington State, lawmakers are suggesting the idea of a 4-day school week. Where were these guys when I was growing up?
Rod Blagojevich says you can't imagine what it is like to be Governor of Illinois these days... however, if you make an offer, he'll see what he can do.
Director John Landis is suing Michael Jackson, saying he didn't receive his share of the profits from the 1983 video, "Thriller." Michael says he doesn't know why John's nose is so out of joint. John said, "Back at ya!"
Hidden in the Democratic drawn-up economic recovery bill: $335 million for sexually transmitted disease prevention. I guess this is to help hookers get off their feet and back on their backs again.
President Obama pulled his first "Bush" the other day, when he tried to enter the White House through a window that he thought was a door. Sounds like what I was afraid of: it must have been contagious.
Illinois Governor Blagojevich is making as many media appearances as possible to try and improve his image. Unfortunately, in his rush to get on every show, he actually booked an appearance on "Deal or No Deal".
Home Depot has announced that they're laying off 7,000 employees, which of course, means a serious glut in the orange apron market.
Rush Limbaugh says that President Obama is "frightened of him". He's not alone.
TOP FIVE WORST THINGS YOU COULD BRING TO A SUPERBOWL PARTY
1. Last year's leftovers
2. Organic Tofu Wings
3. Ginseng Beer
4. Weight Watchers ANYTHING
5. Broccoli Delights
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week offering some great, worldly observations.
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