This Week's Wacks
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February 20th, 2009
The mayor of Mexico City wants to provide Viagra free to poor men over the age of 60. It's part of his "Get up the vote" campaign.
Prosecutors have asked a federal judge to send former Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Barry to jail for failing to file tax returns for eight times in nine years. What's even worse: that one year of paying cost him a cabinet post in the Obama administration!
Last Wednesday was Sarah Palin's birthday and she had quite the party. The big moment came when they lit the candles on her cake and she blew them out using a helicopter.
The winning dog at the Westminster Dog Show in New York was the oldest dog ever to win -- 70 years old in dog years, or 143 in McCain years.
Britney Spears is talking to publishers about writing her life story down and putting it out as a book... which begs the question: what could we possible not know?
Such a beautiful day, I saw Michael Phelps and Joaquin Phoenix sitting on a park bench together, watching the sidewalk.
Tuesday was Paris Hilton's 28th birthday. That would be a tough one. What could you possible get for a girl who probably caught everything?
Trump Entertainment filed for bankruptcy on Tuesday. Donald Trump was heard muttering to himself, "I'm fired!"
The state of California is in economic chaos. They're so broke, they had to borrow money for their school lunch program from Nevada.
On the night before the first leg of the Tour of California bike race, someone stole Lance Armstrong's bike. His mom told him not to worry, that they would get it back and baked some cookies.
Knowing how broke California is, maybe Governor Schwarzenegger stole it. Check the pawn shops!
I don't mean to sound technologically-challenged, but who is Anna Log and why has TV stopped broadcasting her?
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in Indonesia, which of course means "Party at Bill's house!"
General Motors says that it needs $30 billion to avoid failure. Me, too.
A beaver has been spotted in Michigan's Detroit River for the first time in at least 75 years. It was asking for a bailout.
Actually, it announced it going to try and build a dam to stop the flow of money going into General Motors.
Starbucks has introduced Via -- an instant coffee! All you do is add hot water and you can have a great tasting cup of coffee in just under $3.
President Obama has signed the stimulus package into law. At the signing ceremony, it marked the first time since Bill Clinton that a president has used the words "stimulate" and "package" in the same sentence.
A 41-year-old man who has been stalking Celine Dion has been arrested outside her Canadian home. He's in jail, but his heart will go on.
"Friday the 13th" pulled in $42-million last weekend. I haven't seen it yet, so don't tell me how it ends again.
Let's see: the price of oil keeps dropping, yet the prices at the gas pump keep going up. How could that happen? Can you think of anyone between here and there making record profits?
Did you hear about the math teacher who drank too much and was arrested for drinking and deriving?
Alaska officials have told Governor Sarah Palin she owes back taxes on the thousands of dollars she received in state per diem funds while living at her home in Wasilla. You know what could be next: Yep, a cabinet post in the Obama administration.
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to play a part in Sylvester Stallone's next movie. In return, Stallone is going to take part of the blame for the mess California's in.
Another week of "American Idol" has come and gone….and I'd just like to say "Ta ta, Tatiana"!
See, and all this time I thought "Slumdog" was a term Randy Jackson used to greet his low-income friends. "Hey, Slumdog!"
TOP FIVE SIGNS I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE A LONG WEEK
1. What do you mean Valentine's Day was last Saturday?
2. New company spokesman at work: Joaquin Phoenix
3. You show up at work on the President's Day Holiday
4. The doctor just called and you tested positive for Madonna
5. Michael Phelps just walked up and asked if you want a hit.
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week with something from my mom
PSPS--Something new! It's my very own, long-threatened, now-actually-a-reality blog page. I look forward to hearing what YOU have to say: Click here