This Week's Wacks

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February 27th, 2009

A nearly intact skeleton of a massive Colombian mammoth that died during the last ice age has been found at a construction site in Los Angeles. Isn't that amazing? There's a construction project actually underway in Los Angeles!

President Obama met with mayors from some of America's largest cities on Friday to discuss how the Stimulus Package was going to affect them... and, make their Oscar picks.

The falling price of oil has started to affect the economy of the Middle East. One sheik said that because of the downturn, his bodyguard's personal trainer's masseuse had to lay off their chauffeur's chef.

According to a survey among historians, out-going President George Bush was only the 6th-worst president we've ever had. Another example of why we need a national playoff system.

Kate Winslet says she's done her last movie nude scene. To be honest, I'm a fan of nudity in the movies. It's the ushers that have always told me they have a problem when I do it.

A man claims he is the father of Octo-mom's octuplets. The Octo-mom says it wasn't him. Either way, I don't Octo-care.

How did you think Angelina Jolie would act with Jennifer Aniston on stage directly in front of her while she sat next to Brad Pitt? Remember, they're ALL actors!

Probably the most memorable moment of this year's Oscars was when Sean Penn won the Best Actor award, and Mickey Rourke wrestled it away from him.

A comet was able to be seen by the naked eye last night, but I couldn't talk either of my eyes into going naked.

Charlie Sheen threw a sports-themed baby shower for his wife over the weekend. Guests included Paris Hilton. So, what she does is considered a sport?

Simon Cowell says he's going to have his body cryogenically frozen when he dies, so that one day he can return to life. In that case, I guess we could always use the old "wooden stake in the heart" trick.

Slumdog Millionaire was such a huge hit at the Oscars, can a prequel like "Slumpuppies" be far behind?

Cheez-Its has created a new type of cracker... that looks like Scrabble tiles. Perfect for people who like to play with their food.

I'm torn: do you think we should bailout Joaquin Phoenix?

Actually, the number of people who watched the Academy Awards this year was up 13% over last year's numbers... although MOST of those new people were slumdogs.

Yesterday was Fat Tuesday... the day that falls between Fat Monday and Fat Wednesday. Man, we gotta lose some weight!

Thanks for not giving our show up for Lent. You're still there, right?

Meryl Streep admits it: in her younger years, she used to stuff her bra with paper towels to get film parts. She found Bounty towels to be the quicker role picker upper.

A new Harvard study suggests that Vitamin D may be more helpful in fighting off colds than Vitamin C. Going from C to D: this reminds me of college.

Beyonce apparently had a small dress malfunction at the Oscars Sunday night during her dance number. That's too bad. I mean, about the small part.

A new study says the best way to lose weight is to eat less.  The study was done by the same researchers who recently determined that water is wet.

The Catholic Archbishop of Denver is warning against getting caught up too much in the "spirit of adulation" for President Barack Obama.  He's concerned where that may lead us.  Obviously, the man should be publicly stoned.

Paula Abdul says that the new fourth judge on American Idol slows the show down.  This coming from the judge I fast-forward through all the time.

Whatever happened to the first pooch: the Obama's new dog?  The family plans to get their Portuguese Water Dog in April.  Until then, each family will have to get up and get their own Portuguese Water themselves.


   1. His latest suggestion: put the rent on 23-black
   2. Says he'd like to take all your money and personally invests it in the Caribbean
   3. His office is a booth at IHOP
   4. He tells you now is a great time to buy Republican stock
   5. Grocery stores refuse to accept your cash


   1. Mickey Mouse seen nibbling on Velveeta
   2. Changing slogan to just "The happier place on earth"
   3. Aladdin's genie now granting just one wish and a two-for-one dinner coupon
   4. It's an even SMALLER world after all
   5. "Look! Here comes Snow White and the Two Dwarfs"
                                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                        

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week which features a blonde pole-dancer

PSPS--Something new!  It's my very own, long-threatened, now-actually-a-reality blog page.  I look forward to hearing what YOU have to say: Click here