This Week's Wacks

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March 27th, 2009

LOOK!  I'M O.K.!  I'm flattered so many of you cared about my recent paper cut injury, but putting up a "Hang in there, Tim" website?  To see how ridiculous this whole thing has gotten, click here.
But thanks for the concern.

Vice President Joe Biden will be meeting with former President of the Soviet Union Mikhail Gorbachev. I wish someone had told Joe not to try and buff that thing off his head...

The Welsh singer, Duffy, says she's scared by her success. We all are, Duffy... ... we all are... ..

Lindsay Lohan has asked Stephen and Daniel Baldwin to help her stay sober. In return, Lindsay promised she will do everything she can to help them stay out of acting.

On the TV show "Jackass", Steve-O was lit on fire, shot in the groin with a BB gun, roller skated into walls... ..but just one season of "Dancing with the Stars" and the guy's nursing injuries. Would somebody explain that one?

President Bush has already started on his first book since leaving the White House. Insiders say that he's colored almost half of it.

Some good news. The Easter Bunny announced today that he is skipping all of the AIG execs this year.

A woman working at a church in Washington State says the devil talked her into stealing $70,000 from the congregation. Then I say the two of them deserve a serious time out... in a prison... for around 20 years... .

"American Idol" contestant Megan Corkrey decided to go by her first and middle name, which is why you now hear her called, "Megan Joy". Only problem is, there's a semi-famous porn actress. Who knew? Uh, I didn't mean for anyone to raise hands... .but at least, now WE know who knew...

The final score at my house over the weekend: Nora Roberts movies 5, March Madness games 3.

My March Madness brackets are going about as well as an AIG bailout program.

You know, if you could develop a car that ran on weekends, we'd all be driving a lot faster.

Bruce Willis married his 30-year-old girlfriend last weekend. He's such a Die Hard.

I was at the mall yesterday and saw the Easter Bunny, hangin' with his peeps--Hot Pink and Yellow.

The president addressed the nation Tuesday night. Out of habit, Simon Cowell called the performance "a little too karaoke."

Yahoo has just put out a list of the "100 movies you need to see before you die." Wait a minute -- have you been talking to my doctor?

Actually, looking at this list, I've actually seen most of them. I don't feel so good.

Anne Hathaway has landed the role of Judy Garland in an upcoming movie, beating out Clay Aiken.

A late-winter blizzard has shut down parts of South Dakota and Wyoming. Literally several people have been inconvenienced.

15 of the 20 top executives at AIG have returned their cash bonuses. Funny, but now I feel like I hate AIG 75% less.

President Obama said in his press conference Tuesday night, "There are no quick fixes... . and there are no silver bullets." Although Coors begged to differ...

"No silver bullets." Great news for werewolves!

Kanye West is claiming that he's the most intelligent rapper in the world. Isn't that like Simon Cowell saying he's the most modest egotist in the world? Maybe not...

A buddy of mine, Skip Tucker, said he knew it was time for him to go on a diet when none of his towels fit anymore.

Maybe we should arrange a bike race between Matt Lauer and Lance Armstrong and whoever lives, wins!

Vice President Joe Biden is visiting Latin America.  What a difference an administration makes.  Last time someone from our country made an official visit there, President Bush was amazed to find out they didn't speak Latin.

Al Gore's got another book on global warming coming out this fall.  I wonder how many trees were cut down to make the paper to print all of his books?

Flooding has a lot of people in Fargo, North Dakota on edge.  I've seen the movie---just be sure and stay away from the car dealers.


   1. All My Children
   2. Eight is Enough
   3. Brothers and Sisters
   4. Full House
   5. The Nanny

                                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                        

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week for the 9 Key Words or Phrases that Women Say

PSPS--Something new!  It's my very own, long-threatened, now-actually-a-reality blog page.  I look forward to hearing what YOU have to say: Click here