This Week's Wacks
701 WACKS and still goin'!
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April 10th, 2009
Haley Joel Osment turns 21 today. I see dead brewskies.
If you invited him over to your house for Easter, he probably would have seen dead Peeps.
I was thinking about that G-20 conference... and if you were the leader of country 21 and just missed being invited. "Sure, all the OTHER world leaders got together and had fun... posed for pictures... laughed... but not ME. Fine!"
College students in North Dakota are heading back to class this week after "Spring Flood Break."
A new study claims that Tuesday at 11:45am is the most stressful time of the work week. Oh, sure, if you get in that early......
Well, the major league baseball season is off and running. Hard to believe there are only 161 more games until the playoffs!
Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has been indicted on federal corruption charges. Boy, who could have seen that coming?
His toupee is also being charged with impersonating a hairpiece.
This has been Holy Week: Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Sunday... and, of course, it all got underway with March Madness Monday.
While Michelle Obama was getting a peck on the cheek from the President of France, the first lady of France offered President Obama a handshake instead of a kiss. I feel a Certs commercial coming on...
So, the baseball season is off and running again, which inspires the question: So when does football season start again?
Hugh Hefner celebrated his 83rd birthday at the Playboy Mansion last weekend. They told him about it on Thursday.
Wow, Hugh Hefner is 83 and he's still got it. In fact, he has three of 'em.
Madonna is recovering after injuring her ankle flying off her treadmill. It's the worst injury she's sustained since that time she flew off Alex Rodriguez.
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are said to be taking "a small break." Please tell me that includes the press, too... right?
The University of Connecticut's Women's basketball team finished their season 39-0... which reminded me of my freshmen year in college, when I went 0 for 39.
A man in Germany was arrested after he tried leaving a grocery store with 68 tubes of toothpaste hidden in his clothes. He is expected to get probation and 23% fewer cavities.
Only 2 more hopping days left until Easter!
I don't know about you, but I'm planning on a nice, quiet Easter weekend....just me and my Peeps.
President Obama said he would like to work with scientists to come up with a way to cool the earth and fight global warming. Residents in South Dakota plan to throw a parade to celebrate as soon as the April snow stops.
TOP FIVE WAYS TO TICK OFF THE EASTER BUNNY
1. Wear that t-shirt you put on every Easter that says, "Tastes like chicken"
2. Ask if he ever worked at the Playboy mansion
3. Rub his foot before you buy a lottery ticket
4. Have him stand on a TV to see if you can get a better signal
5. Ask him to beat a drum and do a battery commercial
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBOR MAY BE THE EASTER BUNNY
1. Only car he'll drive: a Volkswagen Rabbit
2. He grows fake grass and keeps the clippings all year long
3. Constantly argues how Christmas is the second greatest holiday of the year
4. Has personalized license plate on his car that says "E.B. -- ME"
5. Only goes to work one day a year... in a bunny suit
THE FIVE WORST EASTER MOVIES EVER MADE
1. "Monsters versus Rabbits"
2. "Paul Blart, Mall Bunny"
3. "Ordinary Peeps"
4. "Easter Pride Parade"
5. "Bunny Girl"
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week to see the toll the snow is taking in South Dakota AND for 101 freebies on the Internet!
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