This Week's Wacks
702 WACKS and still goin'!
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April 17th, 2009
A classmate of mine from Torrance High School in California, Debbie Flores Ray, was the executive producer for this video! Check it out!
Now, on with the WACKS!
The bad news: I couldn't find all the Easter eggs that we hid. The good news: it'll be a lot easier in a month or so.
One of the co-creators of "Dungeons & Dragons" has died. Remember, he gave his life so that we would not have one.
Snoop Dogg wants to record a "gangsta pop" song with 16-year-old Miley Cyrus. The working title is "Achy-Breaky Ho."
Vermont has become the fourth state to legalize gay marriage. There's also talk of changing the nickname to the "Green Queen state," but that's just a rumor.
Wait. Wasn't Vermont the state that gave us Howard Dean? Is it too late to give him back?
Monday was the annual White House Easter Egg Roll... otherwise known as the Easter Bunny Bailout Program.
This year's event wasn't as festive. Missing were those wild, excited eyes, jumping up and down with excitement, the thrill of finding one of the brightly colored eggs. That's right -- President Bush couldn't make it.
This final score just in: Navy Seals 3, Somali Pirates 0.
Even though the stand-off went into sudden-death overtime, the captain of the American ship went home with the green life jacket. Wait. Maybe I'm getting my weekend stories mixed up....
One of the Somali pirates was captured and not only does he face life in prison, but also every day for lunch this week, they gave him an egg salad sandwich.
Remember the good old days, when the only pirate problems we faced were being "this tall to go on this ride" and a 2-hour wait in line?
The #1 movie over the weekend: "Hannah Montana now has enough money to BUY Montana!"
The Obamas girls have named their new puppy, "Bo". It's a 6-month-old Portuguese water dog, given to them by Ted Kennedy. Oh, sure, he isn't potty-trained, might mount your leg and has already dirtied the White House rug a few times, but he still knows how to pick out a great dog!
The Masters Golf Tournament was such an emotional experience. I'll never forget it: watching Tiger Woods on the 17th hole, in the rough... aligning himself with the ball... then driving it with all his might and hitting that tree. A tear came to my eye. Finally, after all these years, I played just like Tiger Woods.
HBO is going to produce a movie based on last year's election. Do we have to go through that all over again?
It's from the same people who gave us the documentary, "Root Canal."
All of Nadya Suleman's babies are home. Now she can get started on her next litter.
Three billionaire brothers in Hong Kong are planning to build a replica of Noah's Ark, done entirely to specs given in the bible. It'll have a rooftop hotel and be decorated with 67 pairs of fiberglass animals. There's also an effort by some Dutch shipbuilders to create an actual floating version. Is there a memo I didn't get?
The new first dog, Bo, is getting used to living in the White House. He still needs to learn to stop yapping all day long... but if President Obama can get Joe Biden to stop, Bo should be a piece of cake!
More problems with pirates out on the high seas. In fact, these days, the only place where pirates aren't a threat is in Pittsburgh.
About Uncle Cracker. Is he on my dad's side or my mom's side?
Earth Day rolls around next Wednesday. Everybody sing: "Happy Earth Day to you, Happy Earth Day to you... "
I feel like I should get some kind of gift, but what do you get a planet that's losing everything?
You see, I'm very fond of the earth. It means the world to me.
Texas Governor Rick Perry said in an anti-tax rally speech that Texas could leave the U.S. any time it wants to. Wait a minute-if they were going to do that, why couldn't it have been BEFORE Bush?
NBC wants to make a reality show starring Rod Blagojevich. I believe the working title is, "Father of the Bribe".
A new study says that due to the struggling economy, people are now drinking fewer bottles of wine. C'mon, people, drink up. I can't do it alone!
Bo became the official White House dog today. Sure, he moved in Tuesday, but the actual swearing-in ceremony wasn't until today.
Actually, for a while, the Obama's weren't sure if they were going to get Bo. Of all the dogs to choose, how did they possibly find one that owed $10,000 in back taxes?
TOP FIVE EASTER LEFTOVER RECIPES
1. Peeps Casserole
2. Jelly Bean Dip
3. Cadbury Egg Salad Sandwiches
4. Easter Egg Dye Jell-o Shots
5. Candy Cane Bark (OK, so we forgot about them after Christmas)
TOP FIVE DUMBEST THINGS EVER SAID
1. "Mission accomplished"
2. "A bird in the hand always poops"
3. "The early bird gets no sleep" (actually, that's right on)
4. "Ask not what your country can do for you. In fact, just shut up"
5. "Give me liberty, no foam and a shot of soy"
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week and you'll see how easy it would be to solve our country's economic crisis!
PSPS-- You never know what you'll find me rambling about next--It's my very own, long-threatened, now-actually-a-reality blog page. I look forward to hearing what YOU have to say: Click here