This Week's Wacks
706 WACKS and still goin'!
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May 15th, 2009
Man, I STILL have a headache. Last night, I bumped into Kiefer Sutherland at a party.
Kiefer Sutherland has been charged with assault in connection with that head-butting incident at a party last weekend. I'm thinking it was probably Chloe's idea.
HBO says they won't allow murder suspect Drew Peterson to appear on their show, "Cathouse," the reality show set in a Nevada brothel. Finally, a TV show taking the moral high ground... uh, sort of...
I'm going to take mom's advice and really start learning how to plan ahead and not lose control of my life. She's going to be so proud of me this Sunday on Mother's Day.
Saudi Arabia's first beauty pageant begins Saturday. One contestant has already caused quite a stir by saying that she believes a marriage should only be between a man and several women.
Manny Ramierez was caught using steroids. Apparently he's not as a good of a Dodger as he thought he was... ...
You know what ticks me off! I just a coupon from Oprah to watch a free baseball with Manny Ramierez! It's worthless!
Paula Abdul is now denying the 12-year pill addiction she admitted in her recent Ladies Home Journal interview. It must be the drugs.
And now, here's Kiefer Sutherland singing, "I like head butts and I can't deny... "
Just be forewarned: now there are rumblings about a possible coffee and sugar shortage, which means prices would skyrocket. That does it, I'm building an ark.
They say the coffee shortage would be available in both regular and decaffeinated.
General Motors says it may consider moving its headquarters from Detroit and it could file bankruptcy by June 1st. Otherwise, things are going great!
I gotta say, this year's season of "24" is so good, I wanna head-butt Kiefer Sutherland!
I'll go along with taking away Miss California's crown, but at least leave her the sash so she can cover up!
Boy George was released from prison after serving four months. Apparently, he got out early because of "really good behavior." I don't want to know...
A new survey shows that 49% of Canadians support a Carbon Tax. I had no idea they were still using mimeograph machines so much up there.
The government says the Swine Flu scare is over. Oh, the flu is still out there, but now it's the H1N1 Flu scare. That's different.
OK, they're not mine, but they're making the rounds on the Internet. Thanks KOMO radio alum, Jaynie Dillon, for passing these along:
The economy is so bad...
* I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.
* I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
* CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
* Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars are now trading higher than GM.
* Obama met with small businesses - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM, to discuss the Stimulus Package.
* McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
* People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
* The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
* People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "finish your plate; do you know how many kids are starving in the US?"
* Motel Six won't leave the lights on.
* The Mafia is laying off judges.
* If the bank returns your check marked "insufficient funds," you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Someone broke into Lindsay Lohan's Los Angeles home Tuesday. We're pretty sure that's what happened. Or someone broke out.
It was a big week for finale's: "Lost," "House," General Motors, Chrysler...
While visiting Bethlehem, the Pope has endorsed the idea of a Palestinian homeland , blessed the people living in the Holy Lands and picked Adam to win "American Idol."
TRUE STORY: A friend just returned from Europe. Before he left, he thought at times that he might be an alcoholic. But after visiting Europe and seeing people drink three glasses of wine for lunch, more for dinner and then even more AFTER dinner, he says he's finally figured it out: he's not an alcoholic--he's European!
One of the crew of the Space Shuttle has become the first astronaut ever to "tweet" in space. Well, the first to tweet using an electronic device...and not following it with, "Sorry about that, guys!"
This is "Bike to Work Week". It's such a pain--having to put the bike on the rack and take it to work every day.....
I'm not really into collectibles, but today -- online -- I had the chance to buy a very rare photo and I just couldn't resist. So, I now own a picture of Miss California, Carrie Prejean, with ALL of her clothes on. Yep, pretty rare...
Craigslist is going to drop it "Erotic Services" section. I'm OK with the decision, but I understand Barbara Bondage, Whippin' Wanda and All-Leather Lucy are pretty upset. Not that I know them...
Kanye West says his life is too busy to waste any time on Twitter. The ironic part is that he didn't SAY that: he wrote it on his blog.
According to a survey, 1 out of every 5 online daters said they lied to improve their profile. I have a feeling the other 4 out of 5 were lying when they did the survey.
Manny Ramirez tested positive for some sort of female hormone. At first, he denied he ever took anything... but then his best girlfriend, Gayle, talked him into coming clean.
TOP FIVE MOST IRRITATING THINGS ABOUT FRIDAY MORNING
1. You're an atheist and you have no one to thank that it's Friday
2. You're that much closer to coming back on Monday morning
3. You have to spend so much time cursing the guy who invented the 5-day work week
4. It's not Friday afternoon yet
5. Your boss actually expects you to do some work
TOP FIVE SIGNS IT'S ALMOST MEMORIAL DAY
1. I need -- I repeat, need -- a three day weekend
2. The Memorial Day sales are underway
3. Cubs fans are saying "Wait until next year"
4. The NBA playoffs are almost half-way over
5. The rain's getting warmer
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
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