This Week's Wacks

708 WACKS and still goin'!

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May 29th, 2009

The AAA Auto Club estimates that 1 in 10 Americans traveled Memorial Day Weekend... unless, they were in the NBA. Then it was 1 out of 2.

Paul McCartney has had the location of his London home blocked on Google maps. Everybody sing: "Hey! You've got to hide your house away... "

A small device exploded outside of a New York City Starbucks last weekend. One witness described the sound as a "Single shot, no foam, grande" explosion.

The New York Times claims that it knew about President Nixon's Watergate scandal BEFORE the Washington Post, but did nothing about it. Yeah, me, too.

Al Gore is insisting that NOW is the time to do something about the environment because, in his words, "Mother Nature doesn't do bailouts." I don't think she does recounts, either.

Brooke Shields says she now wishes she hadn't remained a virgin as long as she did. Hey, I wasn't the one who filed for the restraining order...

North Korea is grabbing the news again, shooting off a few missiles and striking at least one of their attended targets. Oh, wait. Did I say North Korea? I meant Mel Gibson.

The California Supreme Court has ruled on their Proposition 8 -- legalizing gay marriage -- and they have sided with Miss California on this one.

Four states have adopted "no smiles" policies for their drivers licenses -- Arkansas, Indiana, Nevada and Virginia. I guess if that was my home state, I wouldn't be smiling much anyway... (hey, cut me some slack -- odds of being the butt of that joke, 4 in 50)

Donald Duck is turning 75 years old. I don't know what you're getting him, but I've had enough: I'm buying him his first pair of pants!

The world's oldest blogger has died at age 97. There will be short service held over on Twitter. With only 140 characters, it has to be short.

What's that they say? "Old bloggers never die, they just Twitter away"?

Production began this week on Season 8 of "24".  Gotta get those cameras rolling while Kiefer's out of jail.

The National Spelling Bee was held this week back in Washington, D.C..  I was always good at spelling, but gooder at English.

Elizabeth Taylor is home from the hospital and says if she feels better by this afternoon, she might just marry someone.

North Korea says that people are just over-reacting to their missile tests and that the only thing they're working on is the first nuclear-power Kia.  That's a relief….

TOP FIVE EARLY FAVORITES FOR THIS YEAR'S FATHER'S DAY GIFT

   1. Last year's gift, rewrapped
   2. A library book... with reminder of when to return it
   3. The same thing I got mom for Mother's day, but in a larger size
   4. HD-TV rabbit ears
   5. A Snuggy

TOP FIVE WORST POSSIBLE COMMENCEMENT SPEECH LINES

   1. "Let the college loan payments begin!"
   2. "Does anyone know if they validate parking?"
   3. "Like this diploma's really going to help"
   4. "You're all doomed"
   5. "OK, the world is now YOUR problem"
                                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?                        
                                               Tim

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week for a great observation about men's brains

PSPS--  Check out my blog!  If it's happened to me or my family, it'll usually show up here.  And I want to know what YOU have to say: Click here