This Week's Wacks
709 WACKS and still goin'!
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June 5th, 2009
A new study shows that men AND women spend about the same amount of time in the bathroom: around 30 minutes a day, or 8 days a year. Of course, women spend most of their time looking at a mirror, while men are reading the newspaper.
Japanese scientists say they have created the first monkeys born with green skin that glows. That God, I wondered if anyone was going to solve that crisis.
President Obama made a swing through Las Vegas last week. He didn't hit any of the casino's. The president said he's lost his appetite for gambling after he lost on that General Motors bet.
Frankly, I was surprised when the government gave General Motors all that bailout money. Even Pete Rose advised against it.
Microsoft has unveiled their new search engine, Bing. Instead of Googling, they hope you'll Bing. Do you think it could be buh-buh-buh-better?
Angelina Jolie was taken to the hospital last week after getting hurt on the set of her new movie, "Salt" on Long Island. She apparently bumped her head, but other than thinking she used to be on "Friends," she's just fine.
Well, I think I've finally reached middle age. Not only did I not know the MTV Movie Awards were Sunday night, I don't even know what channel MTV is on my cable system!
Maybe it's just me, but I think "John and Kate Plus Eight" ain't that great!
General Motors has officially filed bankruptcy. What's that old saying? "As goes General Motors... oh, wait! There it goes!"
Believe it or not, a "Where's Waldo?" movie is in the works. They'll use a cool approach: they won't say which theater it'll be showing at -- you'll have to find it.
Apparently, Susan Boyle was under quite a bit of pressure as a contestant on "Britain's Got Talent." The final straw came last Sunday, when she announced that she was really General Motors.
North Korea's Kim Jong Il has named his 26-year-old son as his successor. Needless to say, Kim W is very excited about it.
General Motors has filed for bankruptcy. Boy, who could have seen that coming?
Money is so tight in California that the state has canceled summer school classes. So there is an upside to a downturn in the economy.
Hummer is now owned by a Chinese company. Only fitting: whenever you fill up a Hummer, it's not unusual that an hour later you feel like filling up again.
A new poll shows that almost half of all Americans believe that torture is sometimes acceptable... especially in the case of the show, "I'm a celebrity; get me out of here."
Osama Bin Laden has released a new tape full of threats. It's on the "Death to Infidels" label.
Jon Gosselin, of "Jon and Kate Plus 8", says that his 8 kids are happy. Translation: they must not watch the show.
Here's a title for a scary spinoff: "Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Kate is Late!"
Osama bin Laden has resurfaced again in another video tape. This time, he condemns America, criticizes President Obama and offers to take over for Jimmy Fallon when that thing's finally over.
Bin Laden also said that, in his next tape, he hopes to sing a duet with Susan Boyle.
President Obama is in the Middle East and very worried about what might be said. Oh, not HIM….what Joe Biden might say while he's gone.
TOP FIVE POSSIBLE TITLES FOR OCTOMOM'S NEW REALITY TV SHOW
1. "8 is Only Half of Enough"
2. "Jon and Kate are Light Weights"
3. "Your Tax Dollars Not At Work"
4. "Over Full House"
5. "Accidentally on Purpose" (oh wait, that's taken)
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week for a great life lesson from my mother-in-law
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