This Week's Wacks

The 718th edition!
Can 719 be far behind?

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August 7th, 2009

The Giant Panda at the San Diego Zoo is pregnant again. The little floozy...

Of course, my question: where were the parents?

Can the TV series "Jon and Panda Plus Eight" be far behind?

Disney's latest earnings are down 26%. Snow White says if this keeps up, she may have to lay off a few dwarfs.

President Obama had his "beer summit" at the White House last Thursday night. The president sat with Dr. Henry Louis Gates, the Harvard professor who was arrested and Sgt. James Crowley, the policeman who arrested him. Vice-President Joe Biden also showed up, with a beer bong.

There was one awkward moment when Joe Biden said he was going to go pee in the corner of the Oval Office and was gone for an hour.

The latest statistics show that the economy was actually twice as worse as the government estimated earlier. The good news? We only felt half as bad as we could have.

My sister, Debbie, came up with the new catch phrase. When something goes wrong, you just say, "I think this calls for a beer summit!"

You know what you can get a buy on right now? 2009 calendars!

The rumor mill says it was flirty text messages from Kanye West that led to the breakup of Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush. For the record, they were sent to Kim.

OK, now the president's just plain getting carried away. He's trying to get Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson to come to the White House for a "Beer Counseling" session.

And as a special added incentive, Vice-President Joe Biden would NOT be there!

A Florida man was arrested for attacking his roommate with a coconut, a porcelain bowl, and a wooden carving. Instead of "going Postal," this guy sounds like he was "Goin' MacGyver."

A new study says that 27-million Americans are taking anti-depressants. You'd think that, as a country, we'd be in a better mood.

Former President Bill Clinton is in North Korea, trying to secure the release of those two American journalists who have been jailed since March. It's not the first time he's ever said, "I'm not going home without the two women!"

I hope Obama is the greatest president ever so that we can celebrate his birthday and get an August holiday!

Paula Abdul has decided NOT to return to "American Idol." She's got a life and has decided to "make it her own"!

Maybe I'm a little premature, but I already miss Paula Abdul!

Actually, right now I'm going to put a reminder in my Outlook so I remember to miss her next season.

Bill Clinton was immediately dispatched to Hollywood to see if he could bring her back.

Britain's Glamour Magazine has named Robert Pattinson the sexiest man alive... or, I suppose, in his case, dead.

At his concert in Washington, D.C. last weekend, Paul McCartney dedicated the song "Michelle" to Michelle Obama... and "Get back" to Sarah Palin.

Wait a minute: you thought Bill Clinton would travel somewhere without Hillary, have a chance to pick up two women and NOT succeed?

Tommy Hilfiger, 57, and his wife Dee are the proud new parents of a baby boy.  Now there are some real designer genes.

Paris Hilton had a 300-square foot designer dog house built for her two pups….at a cost of $325,000.  However, the dogs are pretty upset:  the last Zillow estimate came in at only $267,000.

I just took a look at some of the people following me on Twitter.  Wow, who knew that Lollipop, MadMasseus and Whippychains would be porn spammers?

24% of all Tweets are created by bots!  No wonder I tot I taw a Tweety bot!


   1. Accidentally locked yourself inside your car
   2. Calibrating the points on your pencils
   3. Overheard singing the Norwegian National Anthem again
   4. Caught again talking to the stapler!
   5. You're scheduling meetings with yourself
                                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?        

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week especially you Boomers
PSPS--  Check out my blog for some summertime reflections! Click  here
PSPSP-- Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack