This Week's Wacks

The 719th edition!
It just keeps going and going and going....

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August 14th, 2009

Twitter was shut down and Facebook slowed down by a computer hacker last Thursday. For two hours, people were actually cut off from the world except for access by telephone and conversation.

Tourists visiting Forks, Washington, because it's the setting for the "Twilight" books and movie, are asking some pretty silly questions. Like, "Is it safe to go camping around here with the vampire problem?" Of course, my answer would be, "Sure. The werewolves keep them away!'

Jenny Sanford, the wife of the South Carolina governor has moved out of the governor's mansion. We don't know where she moved to, but we're pretty sure it wasn't South America.

Actually, she didn't tell her husband she was moving out. She told him she was going on a long hike.

The autopsy report indicates that cocaine played a part in the death of TV pitchman, Billy Mays. Now we know what he would pay.

A Chinese bride attempted to set the world record for the longest wedding dress. Her train measured over 7,000 feet long....and that's not including her caboose!

I'm going to miss Paula Abdul today. She wasn't scheduled to be anywhere near me, but I'm still going to miss her.

Sonia Sotomayor has been confirmed and sworn-in as our country's newest Supreme Court judge. Needless to say, that ruins Paula Abduls' vision of her next job.

The Forest Service's fire prevention symbol, Smokey Bear, turns 65 this year. He'd like to remind all you kids to just stay out of my forest"!

President Obama has met with the leaders of Mexico and Canada. Must have been "International Night Out" when you're supposed to get out and meet the neighbors.

It was a fairly light meeting except for a tense moment when President Obama was asked which he liked better: hockey or soccer.

Obama tried to shift topics quickly by pointing out to the President of Mexico that he always brings the same layered bean dip appetizer.

Jessica Simpson was in Japan when that 7.2 earthquake hit. Any second now, she should be saying, "What was that?"

Dell is introducing special Nickelodeon computers designed for kids. Aw, isn't that cute? Baby's first re-booties!

Simon Cowell is said to be getting a raise: from $36-million a year to $45 million a year. Good. Now maybe he can buy some new t-shirts.

The Forest Service's fire prevention symbol, Smokey the Bear, turns 65 this year. Because of the dry conditions, he's warning flower shops selling dried flower arrangements to be extra careful. In his words, "Only you can prevent florist fires!"

A 60-year-old Pennsylvania man was convicted in Florida this week of groping Minnie Mouse at Disney World! He also admitted that earlier in the day, he was feeling goofy.

A friend of mine demonstrated some new software on his I-phone that allows him to make bank deposits by taking pictures of checks. Can the I-Proctologist be far behind?

I walked into an arts and crafts store yesterday and they had their HALLOWEEN stuff out!! Did I fall into a coma during my lunch hour....again?

The nation's largest Lutheran Church gathers next week to discuss some of the major issues they face these days.  Among the topics: whether to allow gay pastors and if it should be OK to microwave casseroles, instead of the traditional oven technique.

Sara Williams, the wife of Twitter CEO Evan Williams, Tweeted updates throughout her labor and delivery this week.  I e-mailed over a picture of some flowers.


   1. 5-mile long extension cord
   2. Shorts out in car washes
   3. New campaign slogan: "Volt for me and I'll drive you free!"
   4. You'll never be able to use the old "we ran out of gas" excuse on her again
   5. Batteries not included


   1. Asks if you would like to stand
   2. Forgets to take off shoes before walking on you
   3. After five minutes asks, "Is that enough?"
   4. Applies massage oil to herself
   5. "Uh, why the sandpaper?"

                                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?        

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week page for the 100 things your kids may never know about!
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