This Week's Wacks
The 720th edition!
That's 5,040 in dog Wacks!
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August 21st, 2009
After Chevy announced their new electric car would get 230 miles per gallon, Ford said that you could get even better mileage with one of their new "Push and Pull" models!
It's the 40th anniversary of "Woodstock." It's a weird time for people who were there. With all the drugs floating around, they didn't remember that much to begin with... and now, with age, what little they remember, they're starting to forget!
Michael Vick has signed a 2-year contract with the Philadelphia Eagles -- ironically he'll return to the NFL during the "dog days of summer."
If I feel fried on Friday, why don't I feel mon on Monday?
George Michael was in a car accident over the weekend! He was just driving along at 100 mph and WHAM!
Alyssa Milano married Hollywood agent David Bugliari at his family's New Jersey home last Saturday. He got her undying love, plus the usual 15%.
The city of Chicago was closed Monday due to a budget crisis. The only city employees working were public safety, emergency services and the Chicago Cub Fans Crisis Hotline.
Readers Digest is going to file for bankruptcy. Apparently, it no longer pays to increase your word power.
According to a new study, 40% of the Tweets on Twitter are "pointless babble". I don't know what they mean. By the way, I like cheese.
Oh, thank God! Today is "Take your highly-caffeinated beverage to work" day!
I'm reading a bottle of Scoresby Scotch. It says "extra rare". When the hell has it ever been hard to find a bottle of Scoresby? Seriously.
"District 9" was the #1 movie at the box office over the weekend. Boy, am I behind? I didn't see any of the 1 through 8 movies.
Why am I carrying around this piece of paper that says "Eric Dane"? Oh yeah....we need a light bulb and it's to remind me to get a 3-way.
Bob Dylan was arrested by two New Jersey police officers who were young enough, they didn't know who he was. However, in the officers' defense, Bob didn't know who he was, either.
Like a complete unknown...
Add Kelly Clarkson and Joe Jonas to the list of celebrity judges who will help out on the next season of "American Idol." I've said it before and I'll say it again, "Paula who?"
In Washington State, a truck carrying hundreds of flats of strawberries overturned on the freeway. The result? Yep....traffic jam.
Congressman Barney Frank yelled at people at one of those public healthcare forums. What did you expect? If you wanted calm, you should have invited Congressman Barney Guardedfeelings.
South Africa is being asked to check if female running sensation Caster Semenya is really a woman! Of course, if she were here in the U.S., we'd just put a remote control in front of her and see if she could leave it alone.
Caster Semenya. I guess up until this time I've been completely unaware of the name shortage over in Africa.
I just found out Thursday is the Latin word for the phrase, "Ha! You thought it was Friday, fool!"
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'VE GOT A LOUSY UMPIRE
1. He just signaled a touchdown
2. Parked his car next to the pitchers mound
3. He just called "Ball five!"
4. Fined player $200 for stealing second base
5. Wearing hockey mask
TOP FIVE THINGS THAT DIDN'T SURPRISE ME THIS SUMMER
1. Bill Clinton picking up two women in Korea and bringing them home
2. The movie "Twilight in the Loafers" was a bomb
3. Jennifer Aniston still single
4. The Washington Nationals
5. Jon and Kate couldn't work it out
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
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