This Week's Wacks
The 725th edition!
Can 726 be far behind?
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September 25th, 2009
Kanye West has received 9 BET Hip-Hop Award nominations. That's up to 9 passes to the stage where he can help someone with their thank you speech.
According to Fed Chairman Ben Benanke, the recession is over. Now we just need someone to break it to my checkbook.
I was reminded this week that when getting directions from someone gay, they don't say "straight"... it's "gaily forward"!
Lamar Odum of the Los Angeles Lakers is said to be getting ready to get married to Khloe Kardashian. That'll make the second time this year he'll get a ring for keeping something away from Kobe Bryant.
I don't know though if she should take his last name. Khloe Odum sounds like a medical condition.
This is the best time of the TV season: the Emmy's are over and the new shows are about to begin.
They've already started getting snow in Wyoming and Colorado. I think someone's calendar is running fast.
Exciting times down in Honduras, where their deposed president has quietly slipped back into the country. Their reaction is similar to what it would be like if Dick Cheney snuck back into Washington, DC.
A Russian billionaire is building an amazing 557 luxury yacht that includes a special anti-photo shield to keep out the paparazzi. Boy, I'd love to see a picture of that!
According to a new study, the inability to balance your checkbook could be an early indicator of Alzheimer's. Apparently, I've had Alzheimer's since my 20s.
With all the awards the TV series "Mad Men" won Sunday night, now we know why they're called the M-ee's.
I'm thinking I should start up a website for people who can't spell very well and call it "Facbook".
John Lennon's widow, Yoko Ono, says she believes the new Beatle's video game will help create "a world of peace." It sounds like the first check has already cleared.
The Los Angeles City Council has passed a new law that creates a limit of only one rooster per household. Did I miss the memo about an alarm clock shortage?
Sydney, Australia had a huge dust storm this week. Relief crews are already on the scene handing out cases and cases of Pledge.
The woman on Billy Joel's arm these days: Alex Donnelly from the TV soap, "The Young and the Restless." The Department of Irony says we can only report this story, the punchline is TOO obvious.
The reviews are still coming in on Sunday night's Emmy's show. Former Vice-President Dick Cheney called it "Almost as fun as waterboarding."
Man, we're enjoying some nice September weather. Today was such a nice day, John McCain was heard asking neighbor kids to play on his lawn.
According to a new survey, the average British man claims to have actually slept with nine people, while women put the figure at 6.3. I'd hate to be the guy who counted for the .3
Ashley Hamilton and Macy Gray were sent home this week on "Dancing with the Stars": Hamilton back to southern California, Macy Gray to her home planet.
Employees at a pizzeria in Ireland were fired for watching porn on the job. I wonder how many times they did the joke, "Here's the pizza…and here's the pepperoni!"
Interesting moment at the U.N. this weekend when Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was making a speech and Kanye West came up, took away the mike and said that "Saddam Hussein's reign of terror and oppression was much better".
It's Fall in Los Angeles! When you get enjoy the bright oranges, the fiery reds and all the other colors the air turns…..
A new Britney Spears single, "3", will hit radio stations next Tuesday. It's a musical of which number her next marriage will be…..
TOP FIVE THINGS YOU'RE ALLOWED TO YELL AT A JOINT SESSION OF CONGRESS
1. "Wait, there's smoke! His pants are on fire!"
2. "Cross your heart and hope for one term?"
3. "This is a great speech, but does anybody know the score of the ballgame?"
4. "Hey everyone, look at me!"
5. "Hey, his fingers are crossed!"
TOP FIVE SIGNS WHY I DIDN'T WATCH THE EMMY'S LAST SUNDAY
1. The Emmy's? They were on?
2. I was consoling Taylor Swift
3. They fired Kanye West as assistant speech-giver
4. My TV was working and there were other shows on
5. My TV was broke
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
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