This Week's Wacks
The 728th edition!
728....that's 28 past 7! With ya, on a Friday!
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October 16th, 2009
Scientists say they have discovered a breed of spider that's a vegetarian and feeds on plants. Apparently they were concerned there was too much cholesterol in flies.
Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine was the only Republican to vote for President Obama's healthcare reform package. Most Republicans won't go near Obama's package... or, his healthcare reform, for that matter.
Rush Limbaugh continues in his quest to become the new owner of the St. Louis Rams. He'd also like to be their offensive coach. Not for the game, just for how to be offensive.
Nissan is recalling up to 143,000 vehicles because of an issue with the automatic tire pressure gauge. The problem is apparently due to loose nuts. Wow, first Letterman... and now this!
According to a new survey, the #1 way for guys to meet girls is -- of course -- on line. The #2 way? This is surprising: hosting your own late night show on CBS.
They're actually getting rain in Los Angeles. The last time it actually rained in Los Angeles... NBC had a hit show!
The rain is causing lots of problems in the Los Angeles area. For example, today in Burbank, their annual Wet T-shirt contest was rained out.
There's a movie coming out next month called "2012," which is based on a Mayan calendar prediction that the world comes to an end in 2012. We can't even get the weather right... what makes anyone think we could predict the end of the world?
Of course, if the world IS going to end in 2012, I am going to make one major lifestyle change: from now on, I'm only buying things that have no payments until the year 2013.
Then again, why are we paying attention to a calendar devised by people who didn't even make it to the year 1500?
Carly Simon is suing Starbucks, saying their music venture company failed to adequately promote her 2008 album that flopped. A spokesman for Starbucks only had three words to say to Carly: "You're so vain!"
Another kudo for President Obama. Last week he won the Nobel Peace Prize. This week, the 2016 Summer Olympics are presenting him with the gold medal for the high jump. He hasn't done it yet, but he plans to...
The NFL Players Association has come out against Rush Limbaugh possibly buying the St. Louis Rams. They say he'd be a better hockey team owner like, say, the Detroit Right Wings.
Monday was Columbus Day. Columbus was actually ready to make his voyage the year before, but he had to wait for a year that rhymed with "ocean blue."
Hillary Swank says she still walks nude around her boyfriend's 6-year-old son... but she wonders at which age she'll need to stop. May I just how happy I am at this point that we're talking Swank and not Clinton?
President Obama is the winner of this year's Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently, it was the runner-up prize in the 2016 Olympics competition.
If you are at the cleaners and they're making the place look nice, it might be because David Letterman and his wife are on the way. She's talking divorce.
Obama was given the award for "great aiding the cause of peace." There was must have been some kind of "peace bailout program" that I missed.
A Tennessee school teacher is being accused of stealing lunch money from her students. Remember the old days, when the only thing that would happen between teachers and students was sex?
Fox News is celebrating its 13th birthday and announced they would like to have a phone in their room. OK, before cell phones, that was funny.
The swine flu vaccine is now available. Because there's a limited amount of the vaccine, top priority goes to healthcare workers, then pregnant women, followed by young children, and THEN Simon Cowell.
Police in Australia are trying to cut back drunken brawls at racetracks, so from now on, spectators will be limited to only 24 cans of beer per day... or as the Australian race fan calls them, their "Foster kids."
First Lady of California Maria Shriver issued an apology Wednesday for talking on her cell phone while driving. She made the apology on a hands-free device while polishing her nails and driving down I-5.
Los Angeles has had several days of rain this week. But don't worry. Most residents are safe and hiding in their rain shelters.
The Tour de France has announced it will have more hills in 2010. Won't we all?
In a related story, Bill Clinton also expects 2010 to be more Hillarier.
Nominations for the American Music Awards are out. President Obama has already won in three of the categories. Not because of any songs, but because of what he intends to record.
Microsoft's next operating system, Windows 7, comes out next Thursday. Hard to believe that one week from today, I'll be on the phone with tech support.
TOP FIVE MOST FRUSTRATING THINGS ABOUT DAVID LETTERMAN'S LIFE THESE DAYS
1. Constantly having to hire new people to start his next new car for him
2. Oh-oh: new messages on answering machine from "60 minutes"
3. Marriage counselor keeps interrupting sessions with, "C'mon, tell a joke!"
4. Keeps forgetting what he's apologizing so much for
5. Very hard these days to get dates
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU MAY HAVE PUT ON A FEW POUNDS
1. Right before you step on the scale, it yells out, "Oh my, no!"
2. Kirstie Alley calls you "Chunky"
3. Remember the old days when you could see your feet?
4. You have to carve new shoelace holes on your shoes
5. The floor is creaking and you're standing on cement
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week page for some of the best pumpkin carvings you'll ever see!
PSPS-- October 16th is a date that truly affected my life in so many ways. Details on my blog here
PSPSP-- Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack