President Obama says he'll do whatever it takes to get his healthcare package passed. Today he said a small boy snuck into the legislation and the only way to get him out safely was to pass the bill.
A new study shows the average man cries seven times a year. Let's see, end of baseball season, end of football season -- college and pro-- basketball season, golf, soccer, hockey... yep, that's 7!
Fridays are so great, they should be holidays. Then again, if they were, we'd get them off and I'd be saying the same thing about Thursdays.
That Colorado family involved in the whole balloon boy fiasco was also once featured on the ABC show, "Wife Swap." So they're no strangers to the limelight. And, obviously, the swap didn't help... ...
Megan Fox has signed a 7-figure deal to model Armani underwear. Send your thank you notes to Armani.
I love the irony. The father of the now famous "balloon boy" says the incident wasn't a publicity stunt. He told that to ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN...
Garth Brooks is coming out of retirement -- again -- to perform at Wynn Las Vegas. Even Michael Jordan and Brett Favre said, "Enough, already... "
The co-founder of Twitter has announced they're going to come out with "Twitter Wine." That's fine, as long as the words on the label are limited to 140 characters.
Garth Brooks is signing on to play Vegas for a couple of years. Thunder rolls... a 7!
The Colorado Sheriff investigating that "Balloon Boy" incident now says the whole thing was a hoax. Next, he's going to launch an intensive investigation to find out if the Cubs made the playoffs.
In Florida, police are on the lookout for a man who attacked his girlfriend with a hair dryer. He was described as "armed and frizzy."
I'm just going to be honest with you -- this show is nothing but a big publicity stunt so I don't HAVE TO end up on a TV reality show.
This has been the biggest balloon hoax since that unfortunate incident at my high school senior prom. I pinned on her corsage and... I'd rather not talk about it...
OK, I'm officially tired of this whole "Balloon Boy" saga. For Christmas, I'm getting him a porcupine!
Octomom Nadya Suleman admits that she has a "crush" on Jon Gosselin. Maybe the two of them could get together and start a new country.
Oprah has invited Sarah Palin to appear on her show, November 16th. Apparently, Oprah hopes to see higher ratings from her front porch.
This year's hot Halloween costume is going as the Heene family. You just take along your wife and when people ask where the kids are, you say "They're up in a balloon somewhere".
The latest quarterly profits for Pfizer were up 26%. OF course, if they stay up for more than four quarters, they should see a doctor.
A strange thing happened this morning. A guy walked up to me claiming he was John Connor from the future and was warning me about the Motorola Droid taking over the world.
The price of oil has jumped to over $80 a barrel. Here they gouge again!
An oil industry spokesperson said the increase was due to….uh…..the Dodgers being eliminated from the playoffs?
So, it looks like the World Series is going to be between the Philadelphia Phillies and Kate Hudson and the New York Yankees.
Federal agents will no longer go after patients taking medical marijuana or their suppliers under new guidelines by the Obama administration. It's part of the government's new, "Don't ask, forgot why" policy.
TOP FIVE THINGS ZOMBIES ARE REALLY TIRED OF HEARING
1. "Who died in here?"
2. "Man, you look dead tired!"
3. "Bite me! Just kidding!"
4. "Who ordered the brains and fries?"
5. "Live from New York... except for you... "
TOP FIVE MOST UNPOPULAR HALLOWEEN CANDIES
1. "Mounds from under the couch"
2. "York Pepper Patty"
3. "Footsie roll"
4. "Three Muskrat Ears"
5. "Bit O' Bunny"
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week page for one of the funniest cartoons you'll ever see!
PSPS-- What do plastic soldiers, an elevator and baseball have in common? All topics on my blog here