This Week's Wacks

The 730th edition!
7:30?  Oh my God, I overslept again!

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October 30th, 2009

Jon Gosselin will appear on your radio show... for $10,000. That's his going rate. My plummer doesn't make that much... almost, but not quite.

And this score just in: Windows 7, Dodgers 6.

Former TV kiddie show host Soupy Sales has died in Detroit at age 83. As a special salute, Detroit fans rolled over a pie truck and lit it on fire.

The two first daughters have not received a Swine Flu shot. It's part of the president's new, "No, we won't" campaign.

Brad Pitt had an accident while riding his motorcycle but was not seriously hurt. This explains why Jennifer Aniston was buying that heavy-duty wire the week before...

A Michigan pet store employee broke the previous world record of 11 by putting 16 Madagascar hissing cockroaches into his mouth. OK, now I know there are at least two people stupid enough to do that!

Now they're saying that Roman Polanski might end up serving two years in prison, if convicted. One thing's for sure: he won't get to do his own directing.

This is such a great time of year. Cobwebs hanging everywhere, giant spiders hanging from the ceiling. All those months of not cleaning the house finally paying off!

"It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring." As a kid, I never dreamed I'd end up one day as the old man.

McDonald's is closing all of it's restaurant's -- all three -- in Iceland next month. "Ba-da-bop-bop-ba... ... Not lovin' it!"

Former President Bush appeared as a motivational speaker at a "Get Motivated" gathering in Texas on Monday. Following his speech, five people immediately went out and launched an unprovoked attack on several countries.

Interesting event the other night. Joe Biden was giving a fireside chat when the fire suddenly yelled out, "For God's sake, somebody please put me out!"

In San Diego, a man who brought feces to his trial and threw it all over the courtroom has been sentenced to 31 years in prison. No shhhhh-kidding...

Former "Survivor" champ Richard Hatch says he's the victim of a witch hunt. In a strange coincidence, a witch in New Jersey claims she's being harassed just like Richard Hatch!

A former David Letterman show writer is talking about the "hostile work environment" of the show in the latest "Vanity Faire." Not surprising, the article is very hostile and not very fair.

Wal-Mart has begun selling caskets and urns on line. Greeter at the Pearly Gates not included.

Burger King's profits slid 6% in their most recent quarter. The king would have a sad look if he could move his face. Worst case of Botox I've ever seen...

Sarah Palin is criticizing her almost-son-in-law for agreeing to pose nude for Playgirl. There are just some things she doesn't want to see from her front porch.

                                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?        

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week page for one of the funniest cartoons you'll ever see!
PSPS--  What do plastic soldiers, an elevator and baseball have in common? All topics on my blog here
PSPSP-- Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack