This Week's Wacks

The 731st edition!
731---Sounds like a Boeing jet knockoff

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November 6th, 2009

Switzerland is cracking down on "suicide tourism" -- people coming to the country only to take advantage of their assisted-suicide laws. For one thing, there's no repeat business.

Plus, people have begun saying, "If I went to Switzerland on vacation, I'd just die!"

My wife got so mad at me on Halloween. I decided to hand out sunflower seeds to the Trick or Treaters. If they had a really good costume, I gave 'em TWO seeds. Hey, one bag lasts a whole night, with leftovers!

One-time Governor Jerry Brown is the leading Democrat running for the office in 2010. In a related story, Linda Ronstadt once again thinks he's hot.

The Internet turned 40 last week. Already, it's complaining of a sore back, stiff knees... you can just see it starting to fall apart.

Chastity Bono says she loves being a man. To which Adam Lambert reported said, "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

Lindsay Lohan says her father should be "behind bars"... and Lindsay, while we're on the subject, you should stay out of them.

These days, what happens in Vegas doesn't just not stay in Vegas. They turn it into a C.S.I. episode!

It was a typical Monday: got up, checked the winning lottery numbers, ripped up my tickets, went to work...

President Obama has approved a new plan to pay members of the Taliban to switch sides and support the United States. If this works, he'll try the same plan with members of FOX news.

I've talked to quite a few people who just weren't that into Halloween. To those, I'd like to just say one thing: Boo Humbug!

Time already to take down the Halloween decorations and put up the Veterans' Day lights!

Washington Democrats have unveiled their new 2,000-page healthcare reform bill. Ironically, it covered every kind of injury except for those sustained while trying to life the 2,000-page healthcare reform bill.

I hate the week after Halloween. Every day for lunch: Snickers sandwiches!

A new report says that the internet will run out of web addresses early next year. Apparently, people are just grabbing up every and any kind of address they can think of. I read about this on the website, "we're going to run out of web addresses by next year" dot com.

And by the year after, they'll probably also run out of Internet zip codes.

The very first Internet message was sent 40 years ago this week. I believe it was from some South African prince who had lost his kingdom.

A drought in Venezuela has resulted in water rationing. As a good neighbor, we should offer them water -- at $80 a barrel!

Disney wants to build the first Disneyland inside China. It would be like all of their other parks, except some of the attractions would be different. For example: "It's a small wall after all."

Of course, the most popular Disney character in the new park will be Mickey Mao.

Then there's the guy who got drunk on Halloween and went out as Paula Abdul.

I like referring to myself in the third person. Actually, it's one of the rare activities him & I like to do together.

Kate Gosselin admits she might have been a little hard on Jon. Ha! She said "little hard on." Where are we? 7th grade?

Wow, Christmas is just 7 weeks from Friday. Did I say that out loud?

Quite a bit of buzz about that new show "V," that is about aliens coming to earth and blending in with humans so that they can get government bailout money.

Alicia Keys now has her own jewelry line.  Ironically, Jewel is now selling her own line of designer keys.

I'm a little confused with this whole Josh Duhamel thing.  Is Fergie's husband being accused of cheating with a stripper or stripping with a cheater?  Same thing?  O.K., just checking….

Layoffs at Microsoft this week.  When you get laid off at Microsoft, it's a little different.  At Microsoft, instead of the door, they show you the Windows.

Yep, tough week to be a Democrat who's also a Phillies fans.


   1. Are you really putting up a "Pearl Harbor Tree"?
   2. You celebrate both Canadian AND U.S. Thanksgivings
   3. That all Turkey manger scene you always put up
   4. "Cinco de Novembero"? Really?
   5. Outside hanging the Veterans' Day lights


   1. Putting up the Christmas lights and plugging them into my neighbor's outside outlet. Shhhhhhhhhh!
   2. Watching my leaves blow over into my neighbor's yard
   3. Eating turkey while watching football
   4. Football! Football! Football!
   5. Turkey! Turkey! Turkey!

                                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?        

PS--Don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week page for a pretty original front yard sign!
PSPS--  Sometimes real life gets in the way of being funny.  Check out my blog here
PSPSP-- Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack