This Week's Wacks
The 734th edition!
No punchlines were injured in the writing of these jokes
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November 25th, 2009
Joe Biden's birthday was last Friday. His speech thanking his friends for coming to his party should be just about over by now….
Oprah says her syndicated show is going to end in September of 2011….just like the ancient Mayan calendar predicted.
So, now that you've figured out the show, Oprah….what about the Stedman thing?
AOL plans to layoff a third of its work force…in a weird way. People will just show up to work when a computer voice says, "You've got Unemployment!"
Twitter is now available in French. Of course, the tough part for the French will being rude in 140 or less characters.
The latest polls shows President Obama's approval rating down to just 48%. While that's the first time he's been under 50%, it's still 47% above where President Bush left off... ...
It's a three-day work week! Why didn't we think of this before?
Another "American Music Awards", another night of watching TV and continually asking the question, "Who?"
Just so you know, there was no call from the governor and they have executed the person who designed Nicole Kidman and Kate Hudson's dresses at the AMA's.
It was great seeing Michael Jackson winning four AMA awards, giving the Jackson family that much more to fight over.
You know you're getting old if you heard Taylor Swift was the big winner last night at the AMA's and you think it's because she's a good doctor.
Thanksgiving is TOMORROW! Time to trade in those elastic waist pants for sweatpants!
Last week, the country's first marijuana cafe opened up -- which not only sells medical marijuana -- but it also has a restaurant. I'd recommend either the snickers pizza or the half-gallon of ice cream on a stick.
Salt Lake City won the Major League Soccer championship in a shoot out. That's after two regulation periods and two overtime periods. I'm going to suggest we do the same thing for congress and this health care bill. Make 'em do a shoot out!
Hard to believe another football season is over. Oh, the NFL is still playing, but in Seattle... it's over. (fill in your favorite losing city name here)
You can have your Team Edward and Team Jacob. This week, I'm "Team Turkey."
Every week, I'm always asking, "Is it Friday yet?" "Is it Friday yet?" Not this week. Now I get to ask, "Is it Wednesday yet?"
President Obama pardoned a turkey on Wednesday as part of Thanksgiving tradition. I'm thinking one of these years, as a kind gesture, the president should pardon the Detroit Lions instead. Being led to slaughter, year after year….
Afterwards, the turkey hung out with members of congress….and, at one point, was seen comparing necks with Nancy Pelosi.
Adam Lambert is apologizing for all the crotch-grabbing and gay-kissing that went on….but his Aunt Erma says it was all way too much for Thanksgiving dinner.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'VE EATEN TOO MUCH TURKEY
1. Your belly button looks like a pop up timer
2. In the bathtub, you have this strange urge to baste yourself
3. Your shirt button just took out the plasma TV
4. Your wife starts wearing a t-shirt that says, "I'm with Butterball"
5. You look up when it rains
TOP FIVE WAYS TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WAY TOO EARLY
1. Bobbing for ornaments
2. Dress up like an Election Day elf
3. Put up a haunted wreath
4. Greeted the kids on Halloween dressed Santa Claws
5. At work, organize a "Secret Slasher" exchange
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
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