This Week's Wacks

The 735th edition!
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December 4th, 2009

President Obama pardoned a turkey on Wednesday as part of Thanksgiving tradition. I'm thinking one of these years, as a kind gesture, the president should pardon the Detroit Lions instead. Being led to slaughter, year after year...

Afterwards, the turkey hung out with members of congress... and, at one point, was seen comparing necks with Nancy Pelosi.

Adam Lambert is apologizing for all the crotch-grabbing and gay-kissing that went on... but his Aunt Erma says it was all way too much for Thanksgiving dinner.

Had a great Thanksgiving, except there was one weird thing. This nicely-dressed couple from Virginia just showed up, took photos and left.

Tiger Woods says his wife "acted courageously" after he drove his car into a fire hydrant, then a tree. Hey, YOU tell the woman holding the golf club she's not courageous!

Tiger Woods actually drove his car into a fire hydrant and then a tree over the holiday weekend. You may be saying, "Isn't THAT par for the course?" but actually, it's one under.

Like any good golfer, Tiger blamed everything on the driver he was using.

Tiger's a smart guy. He wanted the TV networks to leave him alone, so who does he hire to be his spokesperson? Adam Lambert!

A new study suggests that too much exercise during middle age can increase your chances of having arthritis. When I get there, remind me.

The website TMZ claims that California Governor Schwarzenegger owes back taxes from 2005 and 2006 totaling $80.000! I can hear the Goobinator now: "I owe back... ... taxes."

President Obama's address to the nation Tuesday night apparently bumped ABC's showing of the "Charlie Brown Christmas Special." It feels like Lucy was holding the time slot and then, at the last minute, pulled it away.

The H1N1 virus has been found in a flock of turkeys up in Canada. Of course, U.S. turkeys are saying, "Why didn't we think of that sooner?"

Notre Dame has fired another head coach. They're going to have to change their team name soon to "the firing Irish."

President Obama's speech Tuesday night bumped the annual "Charlie Brown Christmas" special. Although, after his speech, one congressman did yell out, "You blockhead!"

President Obama has announced his plan for Afghanistan, which he calls "Surge and Exit." It's modeled after the love life of John Edwards.

Regis Philbin's hip replacement surgery went well on Tuesday. He should be up and complaining about things in no time.

With all these women claiming they've had affairs with Tiger Woods, it makes me think he's considering politics.

With Tiger dropping out of his own golf tournament this weekend, at least we know he won't be playing a round.....or, golfing, for that matter.

So, starting to put things together: Tiger's car crashes, wife holding golf club...hmmm....I'm thinking Tiger's injuries were probably the result of penalty strokes.

Truth be told, this isn't the first time Tiger had problems with his woods.

So, we're going to take the high road on this whole Tiger woods thing...and only make caddy comments.

This Tiger Woods things has really changed things at home. Before, when my wife said, "C'mere, Tiger", I thought she was "in the mood". Now it means she's going to hit me with a golf club!

Dumb joke making the rounds: You know, when Tiger was taken to the emergency room, he took two pairs of pants with him...just in case he got a hole in one.

Tiger Woods and his wife Elin had a pre-nupt.  Now the question is, does she have $300-million worth of forgiveness in her heart?

Denny's is now offering a Tiger Woods breakfast:  Swedish pancakes with your choice of side dishes.

Comcast has bought NBC.  The new entertainment conglomerate is now promising you the best in TV entertainment sometime between 9am and

When Jeff Zucker, the president and CEO of NBC, heard the news, he could only say one thing: "That's Comcastic!"


   1. Three of the reindeer being treated for hernias
   2. Elves organizing a "Lap around Santa" run
   3. If he wears green, constantly mistaken for Vermont
   4. Problem at the mall -- no lap to sit in!
   5. His missing car keys -- under stomach roll #2


   1. Swine Flu Chia Pet
   2. DVD of Adam Lambert's performance on the American Music Awards
   3. Joe Biden's autobiography, "My Story," volumes 1-20
   4. Katie Couric sings Cole Porter
   5. The Nintendo Wi game, "Accounting"

                                               LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?        

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