This Week's Wacks
The 738th edition!
Don't you hate fine print?
Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial
December 23rd, 2009
SPECIAL NOTE: For the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm taking a pure week off. Not just with one job, but with all of them. So, this will be your last WACK until the new year. Enjoy the time with friends and family and laugh with you again in 2010. (Hey, that rhymes!)
It was on this day, December 23rd, that Adam said in the Garden of Eden, "It's Christmas Eve eve, Eve."
The NFL has named President Obama as the league MVP this year. Not because of what he did, but because of what he might do.
Hard to believe it's so close... ... so close to starting my Christmas shopping.
Someone hacked into Twitter. They didn't say why they did it, other than it was "Tweet revenge".
Jon and Kate Gosselin's divorce was finalized last Friday. And the official timer also notified both of them that they're 15 minutes of fame is over. Let the obscurity begin!
They were the stars of a reality series that started out as "Jon and Kate Plus Eight," that quickly became "Jon and Kate Plus Hate."
According to MSNBC, Tiger Woods paid some of his mistresses between $5,000 and $20,000 a month to keep quiet about his affairs. Tiger always likes to play those expensive courses.
It looks like Tiger Woods has sailed out to sea for some privacy, aboard his luxury yacht, "The Titanic 2."
The movie "Avatar" earned $232-million worldwide it's opening weekend. That's almost enough money to keep half of Tiger's women quiet... for an entire month.
The futuristic movie has given congress an idea on how to make money and balance the budget: an "Avatar Tax"!
Winter officially arrived Monday around 10am. Yeah, it slept in.
Kate Gosselin says she wants to be on "Dancing with the Stars." Think of what that would cost the show in babysitting!
Carrie Underwood got an early Christmas present from her boyfriend Mike Fisher -- she's engaged! Wait, if they get married... will that make her Carrie Fisher? I'm sorry, that name is taken...
Remember, if every day was Christmas, the stores would always be closed and we'd starve to death.
Monday was the Winter Solstice, making it the shortest day of the year. Couldn't happen to a nicer day.
He's making a list....so he won't get caught....Gonna find out who's paid off or not........Tiger Woods is coming to town.
If they can get Tiger Woods to write a book about all of his romances, I've got the title: "Who needs mistletoe?"
Embarrassing moment for Tiger Woods this morning. He was back east in that big storm and his tongue accidentally stuck to a cold hooker.
TOP FIVE THINGS MRS. CLAUS DOES WHILE SANTA IS MAKING THE ROUNDS
1. Wait a minute: aren't those Tiger Woods golf shoes by the door?
2. Take that hot yoga class she's been wanting to try
3. Annual Elf Poker Game
4. Get caught up on Facebook
5. Tell the elves Santa jokes
TOP FIVE THINGS SANTA WOULD RATHER SEE BY THE FIREPLACE THAN MILK AND COOKIES
1. Red Bull and Egg Nog
2. $10's and $20's
3. A good review in Entertainment Weekly
4. Lottery tickets (not the pre-scratched, already a loser ones)
5. Tiger Woods' little black book
TOP FIVE WAYS TO MAKE IT A BETTER CHRISTMAS FOR ALL
1. Wrap your presents in cellophane so they don't have to guess
2. Leave reindeer food on the roof
3. Put a teleprompter outside your front door for the carolers
4. Hang a tube of Chapstick with the mistletoe
5. Put a "no slip" mat for Santa in the fireplace
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS--'Tis the season for one more holiday E-Mail of the Week!
PSPS-- Thoughts on Christmas and home movies of Santa's arrival in Bothell on my blog here
PSPSP--If you have Facebook, I'm here
PSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack