This Week's Wacks

The 739th edition!
"739, that's 21 before 8 with you on a Friday"

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January 8th, 2010

Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner have broken up. Apparently, they weren't Taylor'd for each other.

A British disc jockey has been fired for calling the Queen's annual Christmas speech "boring." It took his boss this long to wake up from the speech before firing him, so he may have had a point.

During her annual Christmas speech, the Queen read a poem that said: "Twas the night before Christmas and just like past years, The Christmas tree was blocked by Prince Charles' ears!"

That terrorist trying to blowup a plane over Detroit at Christmas apparently had explosives in his underwear. Yep, "Fruit of the BOOMS"

I realized that on October 10th, the date will be 10-10-10... or, as they say on "America's Got Talent," a perfect score!

Lindsay Lohan says she's going to do everything she can to make 2010 "drama-free." Wouldn't that just happen if we made it Lindsay-free?

A new book claims that Warren Beatty has slept with just under 13,000 women. It doesn't count how many he slept with on top.

Today's global warming protest in Minnesota has been canceled due to the 30-below temperatures.

Oh, am I in trouble. I decided it was time to take the lights down. How was I supposed to know so many people used that intersection?

The cold snap in the Midwest continues to be among the worst in U.S. history. At one point yesterday in Grand Forks, Michigan, it was actually colder than at Tiger Woods' house.

A marine biologist discovered a new species of crab off of Taiwan that's red, with white spots. He calls it a "Strawberry crab"... and has already created a new recipe: crab shortcake.

That record cold snap continues in Florida. You can now get orange juice frozen concentrate right off the tree!

ESPN is going to launch the country's first 3-D television cable channel this summer. Wow, Washington Nationals' highlights in 3-D. I can hardly wait.

Cab drivers in Los Angeles are getting free H1N1 flu vaccine shots this week. Hey, forget the flu shots, how about handing out free deodorant!

In Japan, a man who survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki atomic bomb attacks has died at the age of 93. See, atomic bombs aren't that bad for you...

Randy Johnson, "The Big Unit," has retired. Baseball has lost their Johnson... while the most famous golfer can't seem to control his.

The 90-minute "Pee Wee's Playhouse" theater show kicks off in LA next week.
Only appropriate that Paul Reubens' second career should start in a theater,
since his first career ended in one.

Every time I hear the name "Underwear Bomber," I have flashbacks to an
unfortunate incident when I was seven. Kids can be so cruel.

According to the Chinese calendar, 2010 is the year of the Tiger. Like the
past several years HAVEN'T been?


1.    The Sea-Sucks
2.    The Sea-Hacks
3.    The Sea-Sacks
4.    The Sea-Yucks
5.    The C-Minus-Hawks


1.    Can't sleep unless you have Hickory Farms beefstick under your pillow
2.    Trail of food crumbs from refrigerator to bedroom
3.    Gravy stains on your shirt... after breakfast
4.    The pyramid you built out of empty ice cream containers
5.    That frozen pizza you just ate because you couldn't wait

                       LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?    

PS--How NOT to start out the new year on this week's E-Mail of the Week!
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