This Week's Wacks
The 741st edition!
"This small letter comment is completely unnecessary"
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January 22nd, 2010
I'm not one to start rumors, but I was just down at the post office and saw Conan O'Brien picking up some "change of network" cards.
I just saw more of those devastating pictures on the news: confusion, chaos, anarchy, no one appears to be in charge... man, NBC is a mess these days!
Paris Hilton says it's not surprising what happened in Haiti. In her words, "This would never happen in a place called Nicey."
The city of Seattle is considering a ban on all smoking and spitting in city parks. So NOW what are we supposed to do?
In China, they're experiencing the heaviest snowfall in 60 years. It's a great time for kids to pick up a little extra money by shoveling sidewalks... IF they can get the time off from work.
Can't we get away from these on-going, petty little late night talk show jokes... and get back to the more meaningful Tiger Woods jokes that we all love?
Probably the biggest thing 2009 taught us: "Catching a Tiger by the tail wasn't as hard as we had always thought."
A new study from Washington University researchers claims that Alzheimer's disease is preceded by memory lapse and excessive tiredness. I'm thirty years overdue.
86-year-old Glen Bell, the founder of Taco Bell, has made a "run for the coroner."
A British heart surgeon says that eating butter costs 3500 lives a year and that it should be banned. You can have my butter when you scrape it out of my cold, dead, greasy fingers.
NBC is paying Conan O'Brien over $32-million to leave the network. I would have done it for half as much.
There was a Tweet going around Twitter the other day, supposedly from Austin Green, claiming he was engaged to Megan Fox. No more true than the one I sent out the other day... ...
Tough week to be a late-night TV host or a democrat in Massachusetts.
Democratic leaders say that the election of Scott Brown to Ted Kennedy's former Senate seat is NOT a vote against President Obama... and they're going to keep saying that until you stop thinking it.
For the first time since 1949, no one left cognac and roses on the grave of Edgar Allan Poe. Apparently the mystery fan found out Poe was a democrat... and, well, you know how they're doing these days...
Note to self: stop writing so many notes to myself.
Flavor Flav was involved in a two-car crash in Las Vegas Wednesday night. He was fine, but he did injure one of the hands on his clock.
It looks more and more like California is going to legalize marijuana. Get ready for the "Great Acapulco Gold Rush of 2010"
They say Los Angeles could receive over 20-inches of rain this week. If you're in LA, just a reminder---- at any time, Pamela Anderson may be used as a flotation device.
It's been raining so much in Hollywood, Noah Wylie has started building an ark.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE FLYING ON A REALLY BROKE AIRLINE
1. Your turn to fly is coming up
2. One soda, small sips, pass it when you're done
3. No movie, just an in-flight shadow puppet show
4. You only get one side of the seatbelt for free
5. Flight attendants in prison jump suits
TOP FIVE REASONS THEY SCRAPPED SPIDER-MAN 4
1. Both the people who saw "Spiderman 3" were against the idea
2. Script was so bad, they wanted to move on to "Spiderman 5"
3. Movie was to be shot in Iraq; Kirsten Dunst has Iraqnaphobia
4. In next movie, Spiderman captures The Fly using Giant Fly Swatter
5. Tobey Maguire embarrassed by new underwear: Spidey Tighty Whities
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
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