This Week's Wacks

The 746th edition!
"With you on a fine-print Friday"

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February 26th, 2010

The mayor of Las Vegas refused to meet with President Obama when he visited for a town hall meeting. I don't know, that's quite a gamble -- wait a minute: they're in Las Vegas!

Wow, the President comes to Las Vegas and the mayor refuses to meet with him. What were the odds? Well, I'm sure they're posted somewhere in Vegas...

Sadie the Scottish Terrier won the "Best of Show" at this year's Westminster Dog Show. Does anyone know why they terry so much?

The assistant mayor of Olympia, Washington--the state capitol---has been arrested for allegedly selling marijuana to an undercover agent...twice! He was said to be a rising political we know how he got so high to begin with!

Tiger Woods held a press conference on Friday. To play it safe, he left his cell phone in his car.

Conan O'Brien has been seen in Hawaii lately, swimming with dolphins. Sadly, the dolphins announced that in a week, they'll replace Conan with Jay Leno.

Quite a difference, in Hawaii and swimming with dolphins. Wasn't that long ago he was at NBC, swimming with sharks.

Former Secretary of State Alexander Haig has died at age 85. Right now, I'm pretty sure he's in heaven, telling St. Peter he's in control.

Ronald Howe, the inventor of the Easy Bake Oven, has... well, let's just say the light bulb burned out.

What if someone pretending to be an identify thief stole my identify? Then what?

Baseball's spring training is getting underway. That, of course, means it won't be long until we'll be saying, "So when does football season start again?"

American figure skater Johnny Weir is so feisty. Today for fun, he moved Adam Lambert's mirror and pretended to be him for a while.

I was just thinking: if love handles were made of chocolate, I'd always be in great shape!

Another weekend of washing cars, yardwork, mowing the's amazing how time I wasted watching my neighbors!

In Ohio, a man was pistol-whipped and a brawl broke out at one of the local Chuck E. Cheese restaurants. Didn't I always say that one day, that giant mouse in the band would drive people to do that?

A new study claims that napping boosts your brain power. At least that's what the guy who woke me up at work today told me.

Charlie Sheen has checked himself into a rehab clinic, just to stay in practice.

I wonder if there’s such a thing as being addicted to rehab centers.  Then what do you do?

If people start checking themselves into rehab for being addicted to the Olympics, we’re going to run out of room!

NBC has apologized for not showing Olympic events live so that they can be tape delayed for better ratings.The apology will be shown at 2am.

I'm totally convinced that the key to success and happiness is to focus on family and friends, try to eat right, work in some exercise every now and then, and picking the right six Powerball numbers.

Former vice-president Dick Cheney suffered his fifth heart attack earlier this week.  In other shocking news, American figure skater Johnny Weir was mistaken today for the Olympic flame.

A new survey says that only 10% of Americans think congress is doing a good job. Seems pretty high to me.

Don't look now, but the "Empty" light just came on for February.

A killer whale attacked and killed a Sea World employee this week.  Boy, who could have seen that coming?

A big snowstorm is headed to the northeastern U.S. this weekend.  They say it could bring New York City traffic to a standstill…ok, a snow-covered standstill (it already wasn't moving)

The Olympics have taught me that it's possible to do great things…but that they won't end up on TV until prime time..


   1. Stopping a Toyota (challenging for both winter and summer games)
   2. Credit card windshield scraping
   3. Finding a neighbor kid willing to shovel for 50-cents
   4. Sidewalk trash can lid luge
   5. Driving with only a partially defrosted windshield


   1. "I'd like to say hi to Rachel, Jamie, Kalika, the other Jamie..."
   2. "No, I did not yell "fore" during foreplay"
   3. "Anyone want to make a caddy comment?"
   4. "I never used the pickup line, 'Mind if I play through'"
   5. "Hey, the whole thing was Nike's idea, to promote their slogan, "Just do it!"


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