This Week's Wacks

The 747th edition!
"747 comin' out of the sky...."

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March 5th, 2010

A friend of mine signed up on Twitter and then told me he sent me a message. I said, "Isn't that Tweet?" and he replied, "Yes it terntainly is!"

President Obama presented Clint Eastwood with an Arts and Humanities award at the White House last Thursday. I'll bet Clint was feelin' pretty lucky...

Actually, President Obama welcomed both Clint Eastwood and Bob Dylan to the White House last Thursday. Eastwood was receiving an award and Bob Dylan had just wandered away from his tour group...

One of the trends going on that I will never take part in: putting pants on your dog. May I just be the first to say, "Lookin' like a fool with some pants on your dog!"

A man from Nepal who is just 22-inches tall is going to meet with the Guinness folks so he can go in the world record book. The even better news: he doesn't have to buy a ticket -- he counts as only one carry-on!

GM is going to stop making the Hummer. So NOW what are we going to do with all that extra gasoline?

A new study claims that regular use of aspirin could cause hearing loss in men. I tried to warn my dad, but he wouldn't hear of it.

This kind of news really gives the hearing aid industry a headache... .and THEN what are they supposed to do?

Gatorade has officially ended their relationship with Tiger Woods. Apparently he was seeing at least five other sports drinks.

A new study says that long-term use of marijuana can lead to increased risk of developing hallucinations, delusions and psychosis. At least that's what the giant sponge next to me just said.

President Obama has been by his doctor that he should moderate his alcohol intake. So, where was this doctor during the Ted Kennedy years?

Former President Bill Clinton has contacted Tiger Woods and given him words of encouragement. We don't know which way.

Just one of those wacky American traditions: an athlete reaches a plateau and the president gives him a call.

Former President George W. Bush says that prayer helped him through his presidency. It's pretty much what got me through it, too.

I guess this would explain at least some of Dick Cheney's heart attacks.

Some consumers are complaining that Toyota's proposed fixes to their cars isn't enough.  At least, I think that's what they're yelling every time they drive by…..

The producer of "Survivor" wants to do a new television reality show starring Sarah Palin. May I be the first to say, let's NOT do "Survivor: White House!"

Seems like we just finished playing, "Bush versus Wild".

In China, there's a dwarf theme park-an entertainment complex, staffed entirely by dwarfs. One of the most popular attractions: "It's an even smaller world after all".

All over the park, they have signs that say, "You must be this tall. No, seriously, you must be this tall"

A New York Cab driver claims that Naomi Campbell got into his cab and start hitting and slapping him. Isn't that how she tips?

A producer of "The Hurt Locker" is banned from Sunday's Oscars, because of e-mails he sent, encouraging Academy members to vote for his movie. He plans to sneak into the ceremony after being embedded in the body of a giant blue alien. With my luck, he'll be the guy sitting in front of me.

Buzz Aldrin is going to be on "Dancing With the Stars," along with Olympic Gold medalist Evan Lysacek. When you tune in, expect to see one small step from Buzz, one giant leap from Lysacek..

Pamela Anderson says she hopes that being on "Dancing with the Stars" will keep her out of trouble. I know that's why I'm watching.


   1. Something behind the yogurt just growled
   2. Those preserves were made by your great-great-great grandma
   3. The milk's expiration date means it's older than your plasma TV
   4. Afraid to open the vegetable bin: something in there is moving
   5. The eggs have all hatched


   1. Watching things live, as they happen. Just not the same.
   2. Curling. Damn you, I'm hooked!
   3. Johnny Weir clashing with everything
   4. Maple leaves. I guess I miss seeing all the maple leaves
   5. Scott Hamilton yelling at triple lutz's

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