This Week's Wacks
The 748th edition!
"May your font never be this small"
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March 12th, 2010
Whew! Missed a "Friday the 13th" by one day.
Saw the new "Alice in Wonderland" movie. It was a little too PC for me. For example, Johnny Depp played the "Sanity-challenged Hatter." Just wasn't the same.
Last Sunday was Hollywood's big night... and the only event I was invited to was an Oscar Tupperware party.
During the Oscars, there was a special salute to our men and women in blue. Not police officers -- the aliens in the cast of "Avatar."
I hope this week goes better than last week. Last week, I remember staring at the calendar and realizing that after Monday and Tuesday, the letters for the rest of the work week are "WTF."
Twitter has just hosted its 10-billionth "Tweet." It's just hard to imagine I've missed 10-billion of anything.
I remember back when I was growing up... saying "I just Tweeted" had such a different meaning...
I've talked to several people who are so shocked that "The Hurt Locker" won all those Academy Awards that they're threatening to actually go see the movie!
Of course, me being such a UW Husky football fan, I thought "The Hurt Locker" was about our team's 2008 season. (Jake Locker, our quarterback, missed most of the season with an injury)
What I find amazing about the Oscars is how they can take that much anticipation and drag it out for 3+ hours.
Betty White says the folks at Saturday Night Live have been in touch and she'll be on the show in the near future. Hopefully she won't be tackled as much as in that Doritos commercial.
Betty White is going to host Saturday Night Live. What's interesting is that by now, neither expected the other to be around.
Harry Smith is going to have a colonoscopy Wednesday morning on the CBS morning show. Of course, he'll have to skip breakfast... and, I'm imagining if you plan to watch, you will, too.
Wish I could be the one to walk in and say, "What's up, Harry?"
A new Jimi Hendrix album arrived this week. Man, we've GOTTA do something about our postal service!
George W. Bush is writing a book about his eight years in the White House. Can you believe that? It was only 8?
Harry Smith got a colonoscopy on the air Wednesday morning on the CBS Morning Show. I'll never be able to look up Harry again.
FOX has announced that this will be the last season for "24." The network said the cancellation will occur in real time.
A new report says that because of escalating costs and declining ratings, this will be the last season for "24." Let's see Jack Bauer get out of this one!
A photo has been taken of Tiger Woods and his wife kissing. Great news for Tiger, but at least 24 other women are really ticked off!
Quite a week for CBS Morning Show host Harry Smith, who underwent a colonoscopy at work. Well, anyway, he's the only one to do that and get credit for it.
Harry Smith underwent a full colonoscopy on the CBS morning show the other morning. They weren't planning to go that far, but the doctor was using a Toyota-scope.
This is the weekend we turn the clocks ahead one hour. You know, if we could do that for "Saturday Night Live", we'd get to the funny part sooner.
The U.S. government spent millions of dollars to send us all something in the mail that told us that we're going to get something in the mail from the U.S. census. At the risk of saving money, when I send back the completed census form, skip the thank you notes, OK?
TOP FIVE OTHER TITLES THAT WERE CONSIDERED FOR ''LOVE NEVER DIES'' (The sequel to "Phantom of the Opera")
1. "Don't mask, don't tell"
2. "And when I saw his face... "
3. "Phantom Menace" (that was taken)
4. "A Nut at the Opera"
5. "Phantom-tum-tum, tum" (think Tums commercial)
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU NEED TO CUT BACK ON YOUR COFFEE
1. Juan Valdez claims you on his taxes as a dependent
2. You can shake a can of paint just by holding it
3. You get a Thank You card every year from Columbia
4. Those empty coffee cups stacked up on your desk like Octoberfest
5. Your hair tests positive for caffeine
TOP FIVE THINGS THE EASTER BUNNY DOESN'T LIKE
1. "The phrase, 'Tastes just like chicken!"
2. Constantly being chased by recovering greyhounds
3. Being stopped on the street and asked, "You were in Alice in Wonderland, right?"
4. Strangers rubbing his feet for good luck
5. Being told not to put all his eggs in one basket
Tim
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