This Week's Wacks
The 757th Edition
"Comin' out of the sky..."
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May 14th, 2010
Of course, the big question: can you put an entire stock market on Prozac?
British Army commanders have selected Prince Harry to train as an Apache attack helicopter pilot. YOU tell him he's not going to be king.
It's the 50th anniversary of the birth control pill. I can only imagine how it plans to celebrate.
Yep, it was 50 years ago that the birth control pill began trying to replace the headache.
They're going to try and put a massive box over that oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico. If that works, they're going to build an even bigger box and put it over the Seattle Mariners.
Another Mother's Day, another price range set for this year's Father's Day gift.
Microsoft Office 2010 comes out this week. Thank goodness. For years, I've stayed with Office 2003 and avoided upgrading to 2007. Now I can avoid upgrading to 2010.
President Obama is nominating a woman for the Supreme Court position that will open up. If approved, it would be the first time there were ever three women on the Supreme Court at the same time. The President says his goal is to have one woman for each of Larry King's wives.
The good news is, because of Europe's economic problems, our dollar may soon be worth as much as the Euro. The bad news: they'll both be worth nothing.
Barbara Walters will undergo heart surgery later this week to fix a faulty valve. She described the operation as "woutine."
Tiger Woods pulled out of last weekend's golf tournament, marking the first time he had pulled out of something that didn't hold a press conference later.
A compound found in dark chocolate may protect the brain against stroke... and I'm willing to take that risk: for science.
I heard the villain in "Iron Man 2" is called "Whiplash." Don't know if his first name is Snidely.
Older movie goers just call him a young whipper-snapper.
They're actually working on a new senior super hero that gets his power from Geritol. It's being called "Low-Iron Man"
Scientists say they have discovered the brain molecule responsible for hangovers. Unfortunately, it hangs out alot with the party planning molecule.
Economic troubles continue in Europe. This past week, the Euro has fallen more than Amy Winehouse during happy hour!
My name for this whole Gulf oil spill thing: Oil-a-pa-Oooza.
Remember the old days when you'd put on some oil and head to the beach. Now the beach comes pre-oiled!
When will the madness stop? Now there's a big push on Facebook for Betty White to capture Osama bin Laden!
A new study claims that putting in 11-hour work days is bad for your heart. Well, then I'll just make sure I don't cut back that much!
A porn star from Poland claims that she has been having an affair with Mel Gibson. Yes, there was some concern about image and reputation, but the porn star said it was worth it.
Larry King and his wife are going to stay together. He says it's the least he and his most recent one can do for the kids.
According to a new survey, 10% of Americans believe that environmentalists intentionally caused the oil spill in the Gulf Coast. Of course, these are the same people who have nominated Betty White on Facebook to capture Osama bin Laden.
Kate Hudson has been signed on as the new face of “Almay”…which, I believe, is latin for “Alex Rodriguez’s ex”
They say Elton John was offered $33-million to fill Simon Cowell’s spot on American Idol….and he said “Sorry, but not interested.” And, for the record, sorry seemed to be the hardest word.
I’m trying to figure out this Arizona immigration law. So, is it that they think it’ll help in the fight against El Qaida?
TOP FIVE THINGS JACK BAUER PLANS TO DO WHEN HE RETIRES
1. Do something, anything, that takes longer than 24 hours
2. Try Match.com
3. Keep his briefs on (after all those times of being debriefed)
4. Take hostages on vacation with him
5. Go to block parties and diffuse water balloon bombs
TOP FIVE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
1. A defibrillator
2. Deep-friend chicken donuts smothered in butter
3. Deep-friend chicken donuts
4. Deep-friend chicken
5. Donuts
Tim
PS-- One picture sums up my work week in this week's E-Mail of the Week!
PSPS-- It's a true confession on my blog. It's right here
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