This Week's Wacks

The 758th Edition
"Why are subtitles always so small?"

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May 21st, 2010

Out in Nebraska, there's a guy who commits robberies while wrapped in toilet paper... which, of course, gives police nothing to go on.

Heidi Montag called the police on her mom this past Thursday. Well, at least she had the decency to wait until after Mother's Day.

Bret Michaels says he plans to get back to performing in two weeks. His doctor plans to tell him it's been two weeks in 2014.

Bret Michaels says he plans to get back to performing in two weeks. Of course, he didn't say performing what!

Rapper Pitbull has canceled his upcoming Phoenix concert to protest Arizona's new Immigration law. So there is a plus side to this whole thing.

Woody Allen defended Roman Polanski in a radio interview over the weekend. Isn't that like Tiger Woods being a character reference for Jesse James?

Starbucks is getting into flavored coffees, coming soon to a grocery store near you. Among their new flavors -- "Chocolate Peppermint $15 a pound" roast and "Mountain Honey You-Can't-Afford This" blend.

The government is looking into reports of a big surge in WI-FI spying. At least that's what three of my neighbors emailed to their friends.

Demi Moore is working on her autobiography. In it, we'll learn the real reason her relationship went south with Bruce Willis. It was because of her always saying, "What you talkin' about, Willis?" That would get old.

The President of Mexico visited President Obama at the White House yesterday. My Spanish isn't very good, but during his speech, I believe President Calderon said something like, "Badges? We're not wearing no stinking badges!"

It was announced today that, for the time being, there would be no more drilling after how the last time, it turned into such a disaster. Not BP, this was an announcement from Larry King!

BP says they have finally figure out a way to undo all the damage done by that huge oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico -- they'll just change their name!

New drinking game: taking a shot every time Justin Bieber shakes the hair out of his eyes. So far, the longest I've lasted is half a song

The TV series "Lost" wraps up it's five year run this week. It was the show that asked the question, "How about some more questions?"

It was pretty much the first TV show named for how you felt after watching an episode.

Beyonce performed at the White House state dinner for Mexican President Calderon Wednesday night.  I'm sure she sang her hit, "Single Senoritas".

Things went pretty well, except for the moment Joe Biden asked Mexican President Calderon to clear his plate and bring some coffee.

A new study claims that men who use Viagra and other erectile dysfunction drugs have a greater chance of losing their hearing. Talk about a warning falling on deaf ears!

On "American Idol", they're down to just two.  For that matter, so are the Phoenix Suns!

In the NBA, the Phoenix Suns haven't been able to keep the Los Lakers out.  Isn't that what got Arizona in the situation it's in?  Not being able to keep people out?

Actress Sharon Stone has admitted having some plastic surgery done.  That does it!  I'm never watching her outside of "Basic Instinct" again.

Pakistan has blocked out Facebook in their country, sending the average Farmville farmer into a panic!


   1. If I don't eat them now, this dozen donuts will go bad!
   2. If I get all buff I'm afraid I'll just become eye candy
   3. The dog ate my workout clothes
   4. I can't because of an old Pinochle injury
   5. I'm allergic to sweat


   1. Every morning, your scale says, "No! No! Awwwwwwww!"
   2. On hot days, people use you for shade
   3. You don't fit in the drive-thru... and you're NOT in your car!
   4. KFC sees you coming and pops open the champagne
   5. You hear the floor creak, but you're walking on cement


PS--  One picture sums up my work week in this week's E-Mail of the Week!
PSPS-- What's your "life question"? Just wondering, right here
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PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack