This Week's Wacks
The 763rd Edition
"Exactly 6 months away from Christmas!"
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June 25th, 2010
Twitter was actually down for an hour last week and I missed it. I wish there was some way that my Facebook could notify me with an email that it was down so I could share in the loss.
Dawn has sent 7,000 bottles of their product to the Gulf to clean oiled birds. The tough part is getting them into a dishwasher.
Kate Gosselin is being considered to star on "The Bachelorette." It'll be the first time in show history that the contestants will compete to be voted off.
You know, before getting one of those air-mile credit cards, blackout dates use to have such a different meaning.
It feels strange, having the big oil leak continuing in the Gulf and just letting it go, saying there's nothing we can do about it. It's like we should have a small band on the main deck, playing "Nearer my God, BP" or something...
The president of BP says his company cares about the small people. Of course they do: to them, the big leaks seem even bigger!
A startling announcement from BP today. They say they've lost track of how much has leaked out into the Gulf and will have to start counting all over again.
Monday was the first day of summer. You can always tell when summer arrives in Seattle: the rain gets warmer!
This whole Gulf oil leak is a lot like having a teenager with his own room: months can go by and you're still wondering if it will ever get cleaned up.
The top commander in Afghanistan has been called to the White House to explain comments he made about the president. The problem is, making stupid comments about the administration is Joe Biden's job.
American Idol is lowering it's minimum age requirement from 16 to 15 years old. There's a Roman Polanski joke in there, but I'm going to take the high road.
Wow, a group of 7th graders in California have discovered a cave on Mars. This sounds like the plot of "Space Goonies."
Sarah Palin has revealed that she tried marijuana, but didn't like it. Of course, you should hear what marijuana has to say about her.
After trying pot, Sarah Palin said she was able to see Cheech 'n Chong from her front porch.
People are upset with BP CEO Tony Hayward after he was seen over the weekend, out on his yacht. I suppose the only thing that would have made everyone feel better would be if he were on his yacht... in the Gulf... covered with oil.
A company in California is coming out with a $44,000 mattress that's covered with cashmere, mohair and silk. For $44,000, I would also insist on real sheep to count.
After making some unfortunate comments in the latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine, U.S. General Stanley McChrystal is being recalled from Afghanistan. The general says he feels "so Toyota."
The General said he was sorry his comments leaked out. What is it about the Obama administration and being unable to control major leaks?
TOP FIVE THINGS I THINK SHOULD HAPPEN AS A RESULT OF BP'S OIL LEAK
1. CEO of BP needs to sit in a charity dunk tank... filled with oil!
2. They need to develop a new water sport that uses tar balls
3. BP gas stations should give a 5-cent-a-gallon discount to people with oil-stained bathing suits
4. Name should be changed from BP, to Leak-EE
5. All BP employees will be required to vacation on the Gulf Coast
TIGER WOODS' TOP FIVE WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR GOLF GAME
1. Zipper up
2. Arms extended
3. Weight balanced
4. Neck aligned
5. Shoulders straight
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
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