This Week's Wacks
The 765th Edition
"764 editions ago, I couldn't wait for this day"
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July 9th, 2010
Everyone has Twilight fever. I was watching CNN when one of the news anchors introduced himself as Werewolf Blitzer.
Kim Kardashian was on hand for the unveiling of a Kim Kardashian wax figure at Madame Tussaud's in New York. She wore a carnation so you could tell them apart.
Another 4th of July, another year of pet tranquilizers. Gotta remember next year to give them to the pet, too.
A blistering heatwave is underway back east. Even the Statue of Liberty has ditched the robe and is now just wearing a thong.
In the words of Joe Biden, "This is a big friggin' hot deal!"
110 at Yankee Stadium yesterday. Yep, that's how many millions its cost to keep that team on the field so far this year... and it was hot, too!
A judge sentenced Lindsay Lohan to 90 days in jail, followed by 90 days of rehab. In Lindsay's defense, the judge had paid full price to see "Herbie the Love Bug".
Lindsay Lohan behind bars. Like THAT'S something new.
LeBron James says he's going to announce which team he's choosing on Wednesday. The only thing we know about his choice so far is that whoever it is, they'll have air conditioning.
Another rate increase is on the way from the U.S. Post Office. Hey, you can't blame 'em: the cost of storage is going up!
Prince says that the Internet is completely over. Talk about the pot calling the kettle "no longer relevant."
Some adults are worried that the new movie "Eclipse" doesn't offer good role models for teenagers. Hey, if your kids grow up to be vampires or werewolves, we tried to warn you.
The group Men at Work has to pay up after a court ruled their song "Down Under" was actually based on a children's camp song. Those kids will never run out of firewood again.
A New Zealand researcher claims that he has proof that fish talk to other fish. For example, one said to the other, "Boy, that Lindsay Lohan sure drinks like us!"
Lindsay Lohan's parents say that jail is just too harsh for their daughter. This from the twins of discipline.
A man has stepped forward, claiming he's LeBron James biological father….and, of course, he wants some of his money. I can't believe some complete stranger would try to do something like that to my cousin, LeBron.
TOP FIVE SIGNS IT'S JUST TOO DARN HOT
1. Batman asking Mr. Freeze to come out of retirement
2. The giant redwoods in northern California holding up signs, "Dogs wanted"
3. Heads on Mount Rushmore wearing sweat bands
4. Statue of Liberty now holding up a Slurpee
5. Box Fan see at a store buying another box fan
TOP FIVE DUMB THINGS TO DO DURING A HEAT WAVE
1. Invent popsicle pants
2. Go down to the zoo and feed ice to the penguins
3. Put a blue ice packet down your shirt
4. Fill up a wading pool... ... at work... at your desk!
5. Have dinner in the refrigerator
LAUGH A LITTLE, WOULD YA?
Tim
PS-- It's the story of the Cow, the Ant and the Old Fart. Check out this week's E-Mail of the Week!
PSPS-- The dollar that haunted me and it's Seafoodfest time! Details on my blog here
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PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack