This Week's Wacks

The 768th Edition
"Remember, it's the little things in life that make the larger things seem bigger"

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July 30th, 2010

Parts of the south are bracing for potential strong winds and blustery conditions: yep, Vice-President Joe Biden is coming for a visit.

A new study says that the more you sit during the day, the more likely you are to have health issues. Well, I won't stand for that!

A company in India has developed the $20 touch-screen computer. Yes, it's iPad like... but just $20. I believe it's called an Etch-a-Sketch.

In London, they've just opened the first ice cream truck exclusively for dogs. I believe the company's name is "Barkin' Robbins." How exactly does a dog hold an ice cream cone? Do they just put one of those cone things over their necks and fill it up?

Lindsay Lohan remains locked in jail. The streets are still safe, although the ankle-bracelet industry has taken a real hit.

Sports Illustrated just reported that Tiger Woods made $90 million over the last year. This, if nothing else, explains why Elin Nordegren subscribes to Sports Illustrated.

Alex Rodriguez nailed career home run #599 last week. #600 if you include Cameron Diaz.

Scientists have been looking at the Mona Lisa painting and they found that it has 30 layers of paint. For the record, that's two more than Adam Lambert.

President Obama appeared on "The View" yesterday, marking the first time as president that he wasn't able to get in a word on that show.

Kings of Leon were forced to leave a St. Louis concert stage this past week because of pooping pigeons. Could have been worse -- could have been pooping moose.

In Arizona, a Hispanic man not carrying ID was seen running towards home when he was cut off. Thinking quickly, he turned around and ran back but was cut off again. So, he decided to go for broke and run as fast as humanly possible towards home again when there was a throw to the plate and he was out by several feet.

You know what would make a lot of money: locking up Rod Blagojevich's hair together with Donald Trump's hairpiece in a death cage match.

A new poll shows that Congress' approval rating is at a record low of 11 percent. I'm shocked. Who knew it was that high?

Budget problems are so bad in Newark, New Jersey, that the mayor has ordered the government to stop buying toilet paper for public restrooms. This has left citizens with no where to go.

Wal-Mart is moving to an electronic ID tag on their clothing. Some are opposed to these so-called "smart tags"... probably because it could make the clothes smarter than most Wal-Mart customers.

Pope Benedict made a papal fashion statement the other day by wearing his white outfit with a white baseball cap. It would have looked great... if only he hadn't worn the cap backwards.

The Boy Scouts of America are celebrating their 100th anniversary this week. It's easier to be a scout these days. For example, to start a fire, all you is go down to the Gulf of Mexico, pick up some oil-soaked driftwood, rub it a little and poof! You've got fire!

A new survey shows that one in every five Californians feel they need mental health care.  I always thought that was prerequisite for living there!

The governor just added me as a Facebook friend.  My only concern is that he’s/she’s into “Farmville”.

The president appeared on “The View” Thursday.  Unfortunately, Joy Behar kept making threatening motions towards the president, just so a secret service agent would jump on her.

President Obama was on “The View” Thursday. It's the 1st time a sitting president has been on a couch with five women at one time since Bill Clinton.

President Obama appeared on “The View” Thursday.  Fortunately, all that BP training prepared him for being around that much uncontrolled gushing.

BP says that after their own internal investigation, they’ve cleared themselves of all blame in the Gulf oil spill.  That seems like Mel Gibson blaming the phone for making it sound like he’s yelling.

King Tut has arrived in New York City for two weeks.  Word is that he’s going to audition for Larry King’s job.  Hey, they wanted someone younger.


   1. Mean old neighbor yelling, "Go ahead kids, play on my lawn! Cheers!"
   2. Price is $3 a glass
   3. Dads keep taking cuts
   4. Sign posted says "Please don't drink and peddle"
   5. The line goes around the block


   1. You overhear a conversation about you and among the phrases heard: "Dibs on his locker!"
   2. Team mates have chipped in to buy you a present: a new luggage set
   3. Players are saying "See you later" as you ARRIVE at the ballpark
   4. Fashion editor asks you how you feel about the Oakland A's colors
   5. 3rd base coach just gave you the sign to run on the next pitch... to Milwaukee



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