This Week's Wacks

The 773rd Edition
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September 3rd, 2010

(sing) "Start spreadin' the news... . . BED BUGS!"

New York City is being over-run with a bed bug infestation. Even the rats have been complaining about them.

Tiger Woods' ex-wife Elin told People Magazine that the last 9 months have been very hard. They replied, "That's too bad, but did you want to renew your magazine subscription or not?"

Starbucks has a map on their website, to help you find the store near you. Like, that's been a problem?

Are the Emmy Awards over yet?

President Obama told NBC's Brian Williams in an interview: "I can't spend all my time with my birth certificate plastered to my head." So, he can't find it, huh?

Paris Hilton was arrested in Las Vegas over the weekend for alleged possession of cocaine. Before you rush to judgment, a reminder that in America, people are always considered rich before innocent.

Of course, there is the chance of someone having their reputation ruined, but the cocaine said it was willing to take the risk.

After being read her rights, Paris asked, "What about my lefts?"

Old movies are fun. I just rented the one about the Jews attacking Pearl Harbor: "Torah! Torah!" Torah!"

The Obama administration is concerned that Hurricane Earl could go up the eastern coast, do costly damage and leave thousands of families homeless... just like the Obama administration.

Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband said he rushed her to the hospital when she was unresponsive. Should I be doing that every time my wife is that way?

Unemployment in the U.S. is up except for attorneys, thanks to Paris Hilton and Roger Clemens.

Interesting that Paris Hilton would be busted for alleged possession of a controlled substance. Oh, there's a control-issue here all right...

The bed bug outbreak continues in a lot of larger cities. What's also fascinating is that most bed bugs are actually afraid of getting Paris Hilton.

I said "See you in September" and there you are!

Who knew that "24" and the War in Iraq would end the same year.

Dr. Jack Kervokian was in the audience at the Emmy's Sunday night. Boy, what some awards shows won't do to keep those Thank You speeches short!

The Obamas have had the Oval Office in the White House remodeled. The first thing to go was George Bush's "Ren and Stimpy" posters.

And thanks to some great upholstery work, the Clinton stain issue is now history.

Bristol Palin asked the producers of Dancing with the Stars to dress her with outfits that are not revealing. Like dancing was the problem.

Paris Hilton was arrested with cocaine but claims she thought it was chewing gum.  This also explains why a friend said to her, "Hey, Paris-do a little Bubblicious?"

Conan O'Brien has announced the official name of his new show on TBS.  "Conan".  Where does he come up with all these crazy ideas?

Apple has unveiled the newest line of iPods and Apple TV's…just in time for the i-Holiday season.


   1. When smoke alarm went off, he figured out how to pull out the battery
   2. He brings you the newspaper, but only half-way
   3. Tells dog friends that he takes YOU for a walk
   4. When he saw a burglar outside, he somehow opened the door
   5. He's told his fleas some pretty bad things about you


   1. You find little tiny pajamas on the bedroom floor
   2. That teeny little "Reserved" sign on your pillow
   3. When you lay down out at night, you hear little voices yell out, "Ouch!"
   4. The pillow just moved by itself
   5. The stack of miniature suitcases by the side of the bed

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--RD Peterson is back for a switch in this week's E-Mail of the Week!
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