This Week's Wacks

The 775th Edition
"775 is 4.28% of the Lynnwood Honda Phone number, 775-7575 if you don't include the area code"

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September 17th, 2010

A new study says that Facebook users are "insecure, narcissistic and have low self-esteem." Of course, you should hear what it said about people who do studies on Facebook users!

Maybe it's just me, but wouldn't it be great if we could somehow slip some Qurans made of asbestos to that preacher down in Florida?

McDonalds announced a 4.9% increase last month. Funny, so did I.

A Playboy centerfold had an anxiety attack on a Jet Blue flight last Thursday and after some rough turbulence, tried to open the jet emergency door. She's the one with the staple in the middle of her mug shot.

Wow, really? The Jerry Springer show turns 20 this year. Great, one more year and it'll be able to legally drink! Then watch the chairs fly!

So, the U.S. beat Turkey for the world basketball Championship. I thought the Lakers won that back in June?

What's with Lady Gaga wearing clothes made out of raw meat? Is there a cotton shortage? Is she trying to be voted the world's most sexiest woman by butchers? Someone help me understand!

I stayed in kind of a flea bag motel last weekend. Their motto was, "No, you kill it!"

Lady Gaga has a new slogan: "Beef -- it's what I wear to dinner."

By the way, Lady Gaga is going to come out with her own Fragrance in 2012. I'm going to assume it won't be called "Meat."

Iran has told American Sarah Shourd to "take a hike, just not here."

Maybe it's just me, but when I think of places I'd like to go hiking, countries that begin with a "I" don't even come to mind.

Sunday's broadcast of the VMA's had their highest numbers in years. Besides that, there were lots of people watching.

George Michael has been sentenced in London to 8 weeks in jail for driving under influence of drugs. Probably won't be singing "Father Figure" for a couple of months...

Leonardo Dicaprio bought a 10-year-old desert turtle at a pet show last weekend. What's amazing is that he can grow to up to 200 pounds and live to be 80. So can the turtle.

Reggie Bush has given up his famous trophy. To be clear, I meant his Heisman trophy, not Kim Kardashian.

1.2 million Chuck E. Cheese light-up rings and toy eyeglasses are being recalled because of a choking hazard. The 2-million parents trapped at Chuck E. Cheese were quoted as saying, "Can I borrow one of those?"

Tough times for George Michael.  He's been sentenced to 8 weeks in jail and the only hits he's had lately have been while he's driving.

If he gets out early for good behavior, I just don't want to know what he was good at.

A new study found that two-thirds of the world's penguins are threatened.  Environmental issues are part of the problem, but mostly it's thanks to the sea lion mafia.

Got a friend visiting her German relatives in time for Octoberfest.  Says she's going to Oompa like it's 1899!

New York City is considering a public ban on smoking in their parks and seriously, what is more annoying than being mugged by some guy puffing smoke in your face?


   1. Odds are pretty good someone else will be wearing the same cut
   2. When some guy says, "Nice rump roast," he'll actually be talking about your clothes
   3. You're already looking forward to summer and those thinner cuts
   4. Your dog will never hesitate to fetch your pants
   5. Don't need to remember to bring a coat, just butcher paper


   1. Do you think there could really be a cod?
   2. I can't hold it much longer. Anyone seen a restroom?
   3. Does it smell fishy in here?
   4. Hey, those are filter bubbles. Don't blame me!
   5. I wish we had more variety in our menu

Laugh a little, would ya?

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