This Week's Wacks
The 776th Edition
"Little known: 776 is the sign of the Devil with a 110% raise!"
"Little known: 776 is the sign of the Devil with a 110% raise!"
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September 24th, 2010
The NFL has sent out notices to all 32 teams that they need to be respectful towards all female reporters, no matter how smokin' hot they may be.
A new computer chip is being developed in the UK that uses light instead of electricity... which I suppose is fine, except at night.
Nancy Pelosi's Republican opponent, John Dennis, has an ad where he depicts Pelosi as the Wicked Witch of the West. Feelings were hurt and so he apologized to the witch for the comparison.
I think I've figured out how this Tea Party thing works. They come up with a candidate who runs until they get in hot water, let 'em seep for a couple of minutes and then throw the bag out. Does that make sense?
This "Tea Party" thing kinda came out of nowhere. I completely missed the A through S parties.
Lindsay Lohan failed her latest drug test. Not enough studying, I suppose....
Lindsay Lohan failed her most recent drug test. Oh, I'm sorry. It's not nice to gloat when you win a bet.
A new study says that left-handed people are more angry. If this ticks you off, you're probably left-handed. And the cycle continues...
The Liberace Museum in Las Vegas is going to close October 17th and everything put into storage. Apparently all that glittered was no longer gold.
The ironic part: everything that was in the museum is going back in a very huge closet.
Bill Maher has dug up a clip from his old TV show where "Tea party" favorite Christine O'Donnell said that she dabbled in witchcraft. Why did he do it? Maher was unavailable for comment after being turned into a frog.
Lindsay Lohan has been ordered to court after failing her most recent drug test. The good news for Lindsay: one more arrest and her courthouse parking is free!
Paris Hilton rescued 20 rabbits from a pet shop when she found out they would be fed to snakes. The bunnies said they hoped to learn a lot about breeding from Paris.
First, some Republicans broke off and formed the Tea Party. Now, they're fragmenting even further, as Tea Party members are breaking down into two sub-groups: regular and decaffeinated!
Tuesday was "International Peace Day." Maybe I shouldn't have celebrated by lighting off fireworks and waking up my neighbors.
An arrest warrant has been issued for Lindsay Lohan, proving her former agent wrong. She could get arrested!
David Hasselhoff was the first to be bounced off "Dancing with the Stars" this season. Which, of course, means... ... PARTY! Of course, for David, the alarm clock going off in the morning means... PARTY!
The Hoff... is off!
Morgan Freeman and his wife have finalized their divorce. Girls, he's available!
Paris Hilton has been kicked out of Japan, because of her recent drug arrest. Another reason to visit there some day.
Republicans have revealed their "Pledge to America". In an attempt to one-up them, Democrats have come out with their new "Pledge, with Lemon!"
American Idol officially announced that Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler will be the two new judges on "American Idol" next season. Man, who could have seen THAT coming?
Starbucks has announced price increases for some of their drinks. You know, we were just talking at work the other day about how they just don't charge enough for their drinks….
Sesame Street has decided pull Katy Perry's Elmo video from the air, after getting complaints about how much cleavage she was showing. One thing kids should never see is a female breast. Unless, of course, it's while feeding.
TOP FIVE DRAWBACKS OF BEING REALLY TIRED
1. All that honking that goes along with waking you up at red lights
2. Snoring with your eyes open
3. Bags under your eyes (the airlines want to charge you $25 each)
4. It hurts to blink
5. Asking people to repeat themselves... five times.
TOP FIVE NEW FALL TV SHOWS THAT PROBABLY AREN'T GOING TO MAKE IT
1. "America's Got A Cold"
2. "How I met your plumber"
3. "NCIS: Burbank"
4. "America's Next Top Dishwasher"
5. Mel Gibson's new series, "The Amazing Racist"
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PS--I celebrated another birthday this week and friends piled on. See this week's E-Mail of the Week!
PSPS-- Go fish. On my blog here
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack