This Week's Wacks
The 777th Edition
"The issue that has better fuel efficiency than the 767"
"The issue that has better fuel efficiency than the 767"
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October 1st, 2010
A pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds -- Aroldis Chapman---has pitched the fastest ball every thrown in Major League Baseball: clocking in a 105 miles per hour! That's actually faster than David Letterman running home a mistress!
It's being reported that Cher has hired a Hollywood screenwriter to turn her life story into a Broadway musical. Here's a working title: "It's not always Sunny."
A new study says that women apologize more than men. And so as not to alter the statistics, I'm not sorry to hear about that.
Southwest Airlines is going to buy Air Tran. That's not the one with the cross-dressing pilots, is it?
60% of Americans between the ages of 18 and 25 couldn't identify Col. Sanders in the KFC logo. I've been around so long, I remember when he was just a private.
Last Friday was National Punctuation Day. Period.
Yeah, it was last Friday. Fortunately, this is "National Be Late for Something Week".
You know, regarding this whole Katy Perry/Elmo thing -- who's showing a little cleavage and who's naked?
After 17 years of marriage, George Lopez and his wife are getting divorced... or, as they say in LA, "not being renewed for another season."
Los Angeles had a record high temperature of 113 on Monday. It was so hot, Lindsay Lohan tested positive for freon.
Beginning this season, every NBA teams will wear new uniforms that are 30% lighter, fast-drying and more environmental friendly. However, every tests show that while wearing this type uniform, Kobe Bryant passes the ball 20% less.
Bill Gate’s wife, Melinda, addressed the United Nations last week. She talked about families in poverty and, only briefly, broke out into the chant, “My husband’s richer than yours! My husband’s richer than yours!”
Jennifer Lopez says she won’t be a diva when she’s a judge on “American Idol”. Apparently she’s planning to take that time off.
A new tropical depression is being given a name: Miami Dolphin fans!
Lindsay Lohan is back in rehab. Once again, the world is a safer place. Of course, this is a big set-back for the ankle-bracelet monitoring industry.
Some day I'd like to see The Situation come face to face with The Circumstance, then maybe both of their names would make sense.
US astronomers say they've discovered an Earth-sized planet that they think might be habitable. If everything goes well, they predicted, within 4 years, we could have a Starbucks there.
The Facebook movie-"The Social Network"-opens this weekend. It'll be interesting to see if you like or unlike it.
TOP FIVE SIGNS FALL IS HERE
1. I'm already sick of the political ads, and we've got a month to go!
2. Costco already has out it's "President's Day" stuff
3. I've already given up on my Fantasy Football League
4. Chicago Cubs already eliminated from next year's playoffs
5. Part of Lindsay Lohan's latest community service: raking leaves
TOP FIVE COOL TRICKS TO TEACH YOUR DOG
1. Paint the House
2. Sit up and beg for a bill payment extension
3. Roll over... my 401K
4. Bark when mother-in-law approaches
5. Fetch the remote control
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PS--Finally, a new device that makes life easier for seniors. See this week's E-Mail of the Week!
PSPS-- An important chapter on my life closes. Details on my blog here
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack