This Week's Wacks
The 778th Edition
"I'd be up to 787, if only I were dyslexic"
"I'd be up to 787, if only I were dyslexic"
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October 8th, 2010
A new federal study shows that 9% of Americans suffer from depression. I'm guessing the number is like 80% that are suffering from recession.
After 13 years, Heidi Klum is quitting Victoria's Secret. That explains why the flags are at half-mast.
She was the only Victoria's Secret model with her own Seal of approval.
Monday is sort of the Sahali's of the week. Uninvited, but it's here, so we'll just make the best of it.
Harry Potter author JK Rowling says she's considering writing one more book in the series if it feels right. The dump truck that would drop off the money is already being warmed up.
Delaware Tea Party Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell once told a TV interviewer that she tried several religions but skipped becoming a Hare Krishna because she didn't want to give up meat. That, and she didn't look good in orange.
Doctors are warning that having a laptop in your lap could cause something called "toasted skin syndrome". By the way, that's "laptop" as in computers, not dances.
They say the temperature of a laptop computer can reach up to 125-degrees. Wow. Gimme the name of THAT website!
Macy's stock took a big hit on Monday. Ironically, it was one-day only.
There will be lots of Lady Gaga's on Halloween... but what about Lord Gaga? You never hear about him.
Now that's funny! I was talking with a witch the other day and she said, for Halloween, she's dressing up as Christine O'Donnell!
A friend told me about this new social media service that combines the best of YouTube, Twitter and Facebook. It's called "You Twit Face"! (thanks Ichabod)
There's talk of a Obama/Clinton ticket in 2012. Current Vice-President Joe Biden said, "You can't do that!" and of course, President Obama said it again: "Yes we can!"
The State Department has issued a travel warning, which, of course, means the NBA must be about to start playing basketball again.
Research shows that the number one place you can pick up infections from is a doorknob. And they laughed at me when I went out the window...
Kim Kardashian is being featured in a new commercial for California tourism. Is that why you'd visit there? By the way, you must be this rich to ride this attraction.
Courtney Love says that she might quit twitter because she accidentally Tweeted a naked picture of herself....and no one bothered opening it.
Going to bat against Roy Halladay of the Philadelphia Phillies results in what they call in baseball, "A Lindsay Lohan Album" -- not a single hit.
The price of oil and gold are going up.
The dollar and my home's value are going down.
Economists have come up with a term to describe this phenomena: "Just
another friggin' day!"
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE A DIE-HARD BASEBALL FAN
1. Instead of just saying, "Pass the potatoes," you do it with a series of hand signals
2. When you get home at night, you always like to exchange lineup cards
3. You're not having an affair -- you just consider yourself bringing in someone from the bullpen
4. Every night, you're caught stealing seconds
5. You'll only eat off of a home plate
TOP FIVE THINGS ON MY FALL "TO DO" LIST
1. Write up a "OK, well, maybe NEXT summer" list
2. Try to figure out, "What is 'The Event'?"
3. Get rid of that dead Christmas tree in the yard
4. Buy leaf blower strong enough to get my leaves in my neighbor's yard
5. Clean the barbecue grill (yes, it was on my summer list, too)
TOP FIVE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT 'DANCING WITH THE STARS'
1. When I watched Lawrence Welk reruns, you laughed at me... and NOW it's OK?
2. No wild animals are allowed to go out and attack the dancers
3. They never gave Margaret Cho a chance... except, of course, when she danced
4. The way they just throw around the word "star" like that
5. Only one star can be voted off each week.
Laugh a little, would ya?
Tim
PS--With apologies to Gary Larson. See this week's E-Mail of the Week!
PSPS--Memories of Grandpa. Details on my blog here
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack