This Week's Wacks

The 781st Edition
"Yet, it feels like only 777!"

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October 29th, 2010

Last chance for me to plug "Bimbo #5" before Halloween!  Pass it around!  Hand it out this year instead of candy!  OK, maybe a little too far.  Click here to play it one more time!

To the parents who are so upset about the Glee cast's photos in the latest GQ magazine. If you're so concerned about your kids seeing those pictures, I highly suggest you cancel their subscription.

Unemployment in Las Vegas has hit 15%. It's so tough, several magicians have disappeared... for good.

Siegfried and Roy have laid off four tigers.

I remember when I was kid and was afraid of monsters in my room, my parents said these great words: "Don't worry about them. They were all killed by the Serial Monster killer!"

I heard some terrible, horrible, blood-curdling screams over the weekend. They had nothing to do with Halloween. They were FOX executives, realizing that no LA or New York teams were in the World Series.

Russell Brand and Katy Perry were married in India over the weekend. Frankly, I find it sad that now we're even out-sourcing celebrity weddings!

By the way, for the record, none of the resides of Sesame Street were invited to Katie's wedding.

Richard has just been made an official hurricane. Not surprising, right behind it is Simmons.

They're expecting the web to welcome it 2-billionth user later this year, breaking the old record set by Jennifer Aniston.

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse for the Dallas Cowboys, Tony Romo busted his collarbone on Monday Night Football. Team officials are busy trying to figure out how to blame Jessica Simpson for this one.

Scientists say there are indications that early modern humans mated with Neanderthals at least 100,000 years ago. The best proof yet they had beer back then.

So far, I've already had 30 Trick or Treaters. Oh, wait, that was me stealing candy out of the bag. Never mind.....

Paul, the World Cup 'psychic' octopus who shot to fame after correctly predicting outcome of games has died. Guess he didn't see that coming.

The worst part: his mother was knitting him a sweater and had just finished arm seven.

A memorial will be held Saturday, followed by a Seafood buffet.

Boise St. won on Tuesday night? When did we start playing college football games on Tuesdays? Are you trying to force me to choose between college football and "Glee." My dad's behind this, isn't he?

Is Kat Von D engaged to Sandra Bullock's ex, Jesse James? Sure looks like an engagement ring on that ring finger. Or, I suppose, it could be a very, very good tattoo.

I think I might be coming down with something. This morning, I feel like a hotel room after Charlie Sheen spent the night!

The bad news is, it's going to rain this weekend.  The good news: it'll be in 3D and you won't need glasses!

Charlie Sheen trashed a hotel in New York and was found drunk and naked.  He was so out of control, even the bed bugs were complaining about him.

Osama bin Laden has issued a new round of threats, this time aimed at France.  He condemned their ban on veils, told them to get out of the war in Afghanistan and that Jerry Lewis is just not that funny.

The man Dick Cheney shot in the face on that hunting trip four years ago says that Cheney has never apologized.  But to be fair, has anyone ever apologized for shooting a lawyer?

I went and saw "Paranormal Activity 2".  Watching a scary movie helps get me ready for election day on Tuesday.

I guess the good news for the New York Yankees this year, not being in the playoffs and all: they'll get to go trick or treating!

3G service has now been established on the top of Mount Everest.  Really opens up vacation plans for next year, doesn't it?


   1. Somebody wrote "brains" on the grocery list
   2. It smells like death. Actually, a little worse.
   3. TV is constantly left on the Undead Food Channel
   4. Vacuum bag fills up quickly with decaying flesh
   5. Something is chewing on your right leg


   1. Ringing the doorbell at Brett Favre's house, dressed as a female reporter with a cell phone
   2. Trick or Treating at Zach Galfianakis's house, dressed as Mel Gibson
   3. Sitting in the front row of "Dancing with the Stars" dressed as Levi Johnston
   4. Going to Paul the Octopus' memorial service dressed as a Sushi chef
   5. Going Trick or Treating down Sesame Street dressed as Katie Perry


   1. Julia Roberts is a zombie in "Eat Prey Brains"
   2. "Cemetariot"
   3. Any documentary by Werewolf Blitzer
   4. "High Ghoul Musical"
   5. "Mummy Dearest"

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--Some Halloween treats await you on this week's E-Mail of the Week!
PSPS--A send off to "Shawnski" and panties are two new topics here on my blog
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PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack