This Week's Wacks

The 782nd Edition
"If you had read every one, you'd be Wacky by now"

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November 5th, 2010

Happy "Cinco de Novembero" everyone!

Before the election in California, all eyes were watching to see if California they legalized marijuana..... most of those, swimming in Visine.

For a while there in the World Series, it looked like San Francisco might go four straight. I had a hard time connecting the words "San Francisco" and "straight."

Don't know if you heard, but two Yeman women have been accused of an attempted terrorist act on a flight to the U.S.--they tried to sneak Charlie Sheen on board.

I'm looking at all these small candy bars we gave out at Halloween. When did convince everyone that small was "fun"? I don't remember voting.

My kids are older, so they tried something new this year for Halloween. They just stood at the end of a freeway exit with a sign that said, "Trick or Treat."

China has unveiled the world's fastest computer, while an American company has invented the tubeless toilet paper. Kind of says it all, but I'm just now sure what it's saying.

Kid Rock says that Steven Tyler's decision to become a judge on "American Idol" is "the stupidest thing he's ever done!" Sounds like someone didn't get asked...

Tuesday was Election Day!  Whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlie Sheen, sit down. I said "election"...

In Cleveland, an 11-year-old got detention for farting on the school bus. Are you pullin' my finger?

I was really nervous about the results of all the voting Tuesday night. After all, there was SO MUCH riding on the outcome. But besides "Dancing with the Stars", isn't there an coming up election some time soon?

Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce. Boy, who could have seen that coming? Hmm... maybe it would faster to count those who didn't.

The Wave is more popular than ever at football games these days. In fact, just the other day, the Minnesota Vikings decided to waive Randy Moss.

I remember back when Brett Favre didn't have a stitch to wear. Now he has ten of them. On his chin.

Isn't that why Brett got in trouble? For sending photos on his cell phone and not wearing a stitch?

Well, Democrats in congress now have experienced what a lot of Americans have gone through: they lost the house!

OK, how about "The Baracky Horror Election Show"?

Taylor Swift is going to come out with her own fragrance. I believe it smells something like money...

It's great Bristol Palin is getting all this experience learning to dance. But the only thing she ever gets invited to are Tea Parties.

Once again, Jerry Brown is Governor of California. Can a Linda Ronstadt comeback be far behind?

In Spain, a 10-year-old gypsy girl has given birth to a healthy baby boy.  I guess the good news would be, in a couple of years, she'll be able to do her own baby-sitting.

President Obama announced his support to the "Don't Ask" program this weekend when it came to election results.

I've decided this year, I'm doing the time change differently.  Instead of turning back the clock an hour on Sunday morning, I'm going to do five minutes every hour and savor it.

With the political ads gone and all those robo-phone calls no longer coming in, I'm feeling…..well, ignored.  How messed up is that?

People are surprised the ratings for Charlie Sheen's show, "Two and a half men" are up.  So, what part of "we watch auto racing for the crashes" don't you get?


   1. His lips are moving
   2. He's a member of the "Like a Rug" party
   3. His pants suddenly burst into flames
   4. His most common phrase is, "Hey, well, I'm not under oath or anything"
   5. He's endorsed by a group called, "Americans with their fingers crossed"


   1. It's later sooner
   2. Remembering how to change that friggin' clock on the dashboard...while driving.
   3. Wake up, it's dark. Get home from work, it's dark. I feel like a vampire!
   4. Cher, singing that darn song, "If I could turn back time." Over and over and over...
   5. Having to get up at 2am to turn back all the clocks

Laugh a little, would ya?

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