This Week's Wacks

The 784th Edition
"784....the actual number of people who voted for Bristol Palin last week"

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The founders of Twitter said in an interview the other day that it was almost called "Twitch." Wasn't he on "So you think you can dance?"

Bret Favre is talking about retirement at the end of this season. Imagine if they had retired his number every time he retired. The players would have to switch to letters!

President Obama continues his world travels. He's slept in a different bed every night for the past week, tying the record currently held by several of the Kardashian sisters.

Golfer Greg Norman is getting married for the 3rd time. Boy, if THAT isn't par for the course!

Remember, life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about blaming the weather forecaster who said "Partly sunny and a high of 50."

There was a power outage at Giants Stadium during Sunday's football game. Big deal. Buffalo fans have been experiencing that for weeks....

Two of Kate Gosselin's sextuplets have been expelled from their Pennsylvania private school for allegedly having "rage issues." Acorn, meet tree.

Bill Clinton will have a cameo appearance in "Hangover 2." Hey, you can only avoid him so many times while filming party scenes that you finally have to say, "OK, just leave that one in!"

Someone won the $268-million Michigan state lottery after buying a ticket at a porn shop. I think it would be funny if, instead of giving them the money, all the winner got to do was see a movie of the cash.

In New York, a couple has been arrested after convincing a wealthy pianist that he need protection from fictitious threats... and charging him $20-million. I would have done it for $10-million.

Monday is that weekly reminder that we need to buy more lottery tickets. God created Tuesday, in we forgot on Monday.

Britney Spears' parents are getting back together again, after being divorced for 8 years. The words, "Oops! I did it again" seem to haunt me...

Of course, this does nothing more than build up a lot of hope among the Gosselin kids.

David Arquette and Courtney Cox are back together again. Great news for them, but this is really messing up our office pool.

Friends say that Eva Longoria is planning to file for divorce from Tony Parker after reports surfaced this week of his infidelity. I believe that's the first time an NBA star has ever been unfaithful to his wife... in the last 60-seconds.

Pink is pregnant. What do they say? Blue if it's a boy, Pink if it's a girl, she's Pink and a girl. I don't know what this all means!

Ireland's having financial problems. Right now they're deciding between a bailout program or asking St. Patrick back to drive out all the creditors.

Katy Perry's new fragrance is called "Purr". I was hoping she'd call it something more controversial, like "Elmo's Cleavage".

Reports of Christmas lights already up around cousin actually put up her tree yesterday. Can Candy Cane stuffing be far behind?

Ryan Reynolds is People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive". I think the only more surprising pick would have

I knew I shouldn't have ignored those phone calls.

People are concerned that with the new airport security scanners, pictures of their genitals ending up on the Internet. Well, almost everyone is concerned….except Brett Favre.  He'll even text them to you.

I'm bracing myself for traveling to my in-laws for Thanksgiving next week.  All that scanning and groping and hands going into uncomfortable places….and that's just at the front door!


   1. On his right wing -- a "Hell's Gobblers" tattoo.
   2. Was on the turkey prison football team
   3. Lost a drumstick in a fight
   4. Charlie Sheen said he couldn't keep up with him
   5. Wearing a black belt


   1. "Burn the Kardashians!"
   2. "Waz Uppeth?"
   3. "Just doeth it!"
   4. "Who is this....Scott Pilgrim?"
   5. "Canst thou heareth me now?"

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--If you're going to see Harry Potter this weekend, don't miss this week's E-Mail of the Week!
PSPS--Gonna give you one more week to meet my greatest acquaintance here
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack