This Week's Wacks

The 786th Edition
"Next one is a Boeing number"

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Tea Party members are excited about how the week started. It's the first Monday in a while where they didn't have to spend the night voting for Bristol Palin.

I'm feeling impish. The holidays do that to me. I just sent Mr. Peanut a pair of tickets to the Nutcracker.

The new movie "Tangled" was the #1 to go see over the weekend if you couldn't get in to see Harry Potter.

Oh, it was CYBER Monday! You mean I drank all that apple juice for nothing?

I was going to take part in Cyber Monday, but I couldn't find any parking places near my computer.

Yep, yesterday was "Cyber Monday"... the day that work kept getting into the way of your holiday shopping.

Willie Nelson was arrested for possession of marijuana. See my jokes the last time this happened.

I think it would be a much bigger challenge to catch him without the stuff.

Sarah Palin condemned the media for jumping on her slip last week about "Our ally, North Korea." She made the comment from West Dakota.

A new study found that dogs are smarter than cats. To no one's surprise, cats just don't care.

Coach Pete Carroll Tweeted just before the game on Sunday "Sea! Hawks!" OK, who gets to tell him its only one word?

Dr. Laura has gone to satellite radio. Makes you feel just a little bit safer every time you get in the car and turn on the radio, doesn't it?

The Seattle Marathon was last weekend. I had the same time this year as last. I said, "Oh, that's THIS weekend?" in just 2.2 seconds.

Imagine, traveling 26 miles in under 3 hours. I guess that explains why "Marathon" is Greek for "rush hour."

Oh, I thought they said "Cyborg Monday." All day long, I kept waiting for the attack to begin... ...

You're not going to like the next round of WikiLeaks. Who knew Santa felt that way about you?

Just got back from Costco and saw this license plate frame: "Good Cowgirls Keep their Calves Together".

Costco, by the way is that place where people fill up a shopping cart and then while pushing it out to the car, read the receipt trying to figure out how they spent that much.

President Obama needed 12 stitches after taking an elbow to the mouth during a basketball game. The actually injury came when a half-dozen secret service agents pushed away the president and wrestled the elbow to the ground.

President Obama took an elbow to the mouth, not Vice-President Joe Biden. Why God, why?

Doesn't the name "WikiLeaks" sound like the name of some kind of freaky website that offers every fact imaginable on peeing?

We have a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in effect at our house -- for report cards.

Remember the old days when you used to have to write Santa a letter, so he'd know what you wanted for Christmas.  These days, he just looks on WikiLeaks.

Former President George W. Bush said he's a huge fan of his new iPad. He says he's able to look at all kinds of pictures without having to open a single book!

President Obama received 12 stitches in his lip after being elbowed in the mouth during a basketball game.  Why is it when I think of someone who needs his mouth stitched, I think of Joe Biden.


   1. Venison Williams
   2. John Doe
   3. Jane Doe
   4. Uncle Buck
   5. John Deer


   1. Christmas letters with white powder demanding what they want or Santa won't get the antidote.
   2. Whoopee Chimneys
   3. Rubber cookies---not funny!
   4. Putting butter and salt on his corn cob pipe
   5. The old "You sleigh me" joke. Get it? Sleigh?

Laugh a little, would ya?

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