This Week's Wacks

The 791st Edition
"We're almost to the 800 club!"

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The latest forecast in Arkansas calls for 1-2 inches of falling birds.

Congress was actually broadcast live on Facebook for the very first time in history. Just when you thought Facebook couldn't be a bigger waste of time...

Olympic figure skater Johnny Weir has officially come out of the closet. It's also been confirmed by the National Weather Service that it rains a lot in Seattle.

Johnny Weir has announced he's gay. Look, even Andrea Bocelli saw that one coming... ...

A new study found that two thirds of the instructional CPR videos on YouTube are incorrect. I don't know that I'd be going to YouTube in a medical emergency. "Uncle Harry's having a heart attack? Let's check YouTube for a... oh, look at the funny cat playing the piano."

Back in DC, the 112th congress is in session. Hard to believe anyone could do something 112 times and still not get it right.

They say that January is the month that you are most likely to be fired, especially if you're a football coach at Michigan.

Now that the Republicans have taken over the House, they say they're going to un-do everything President Obama has done. The good news for them: that won't take a lot of time.

Christina Aguilera has reportedly been living in the same house with her boyfriend, her son, and her soon-to-be ex-husband. Oh and the genie in the bottle.

Lea Michelle of "Glee" says her parents weren't always supportive of her singing career and were even sometimes critical. Let that be a warning to you parents out there -- if you're critical and your child succeeds, she'll be talking smack about you when she makes it big.

Hugh Hefner's new 24-year-old wife says she doesn't count the years between their ages. Doesn't or can't?

Hugh is 84 and she's 24. If they have a baby, who's going to help with the diapers? For that matter, who's going to help with the baby?

My two life-long hopes are either winning the lotto or becoming homeless and then a YouTube sensation.

Michigan has hired Brady Hoke, who had been at San Diego State, as their new football coach. Of course, the #1 question in Michigan these days is, "Who?"

San Diego Padres closer Trevor Hoffman has announced he's hanging up his cleats after 18 seasons. He'd been brought in more for relief than Tums.

Katie Holmes is the new face of Ann Taylor. We don't know what Ann did with her old face.

At the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, LG unveiled a line of appliances that can send text messages.  I can just see my fridge texting me the line, "LWO"-left wide open.

NASA released photos of a mysterious green blob floating out in space. Didn't I see this movie?

The words "Jabba the Snot" just came to mind.

A new study found that ESP could actually be real. Actually, it's a study that comes out in 2012.


   1. "The 5th annual Brett Favre Retirement Special"
   2. "America's Got Unemployed DJ's with Talent"
   3. The "We're all out of good teams so how about these two?" Bowl
   4. "America's Funniest U.S. Navy Videos"
   5. "Lindsay Lohan is loose again!"


   1. Starbucks has filed a restraining order. You can't get within 100 yards of any coffee pot
   2. Coffee? I thought it was hot water and the pipes were rusting out
   3. At this rate, you can use that coffee filter for at least three more pots
   4. You've seen darker broth
   5. The tea drinkers are laughing at you

Laugh a little, would ya?

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