This Week's Wacks

The 792nd Edition
"If you lived here, you'd be laughing by now"

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January 21st, 2011

Chinese President Hu Jintao will be at the White House this week. It's always a good idea for the landlord to occasionally visit the tenant.

San Francisco celebrated the opening of the nation's first gay history museum. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
It's been described as "FABulous" and "Better than 'Cats'."

Who knew they'd ever have a Gay History museum in San Francisco, of all places? Well, besides everyone.

I just checked the new astrological signs and I'm still a Virgo! Perfect! And of course, that's what I was trying for...

My wife went from Taurus to an Aries. Basically, from a popular Ford to a discontinued Chrysler model.

It's like she was traded from the Taurus team to the Aries team for a rising planet to be named later.

Newest pick up line in bars: "Hey baby, what's your NEW sign?"

"The Social Network" was the big winner at the Golden Globe Awards on Sunday night. Ironically, the first thing all the stars did when they got home was go to Facebook and un-friend Ricky Gervais.

Was telling all my friends on Facebook that "The Social Network" was the big winner at the Golden Globes redundant?

Ted Williams, the homeless man with the golden voice, has gone from being homeless to being famous, and now to rehab. Can "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here" be far behind?

Monday was Martin Luther King Jr. Day, which for some people, meant a day off work. Those are the same people scrambling today because they're so far behind on Facebook.

I think I've finally figured out who's behind all these award shows: the red carpet industry!

Starbucks is going to introduce their largest drink size, yet -- a 31-ounce cup called the 'Trenta', which is Latin for "I can't believe you're willingly going to pay that much for coffee."

Sting said it: "I don't think pedestrian sex is very interesting." Well, for starters, crosswalks aren't very comfortable... and you have to be done before the light changes... and those people stepping over you...

Seriously? People are upset about what Ricky Gervais said at the Golden Globes? I don't remember him changing his name to Osmond.

Arnold Schwarzenegger says he was 'addicted to being governor'. It was either that or he was 'tricked into seeing the oven door.' I can never understand that guy...

Jennifer Aniston says she doesn't get "The Bachelor." I thought she got 'em, she just can't keep 'em.

Arnold Schwarzenegger says that being governor of California cost him at least $200-million in lost movie roles. Thinking about it, "The Social Network" was probably better without him.

Brett Favre has officially filed his retirement papers with the NFL. It was pretty quick. He basically took last year's papers and just changed the date.

Starbucks has introduced their largest size yet, the "Trenta." Now, of course, the question: do people really need a 5-gallon container of coffee?

Camille Grammer says she was set up to look bad on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." Good thing she was so willing to help.

There's already talk that Ricky Gervais won't be invited back to the Golden Globes. His plan finally worked.

Steven Tyler has been fun to watch as a new judge on "American Idol" and it was interesting to see what Liv Tyler will look like when she gets old.

President Hu of China is visiting the U.S. Accompanying him on the trip are his wife, Yu No and his daughter, Cindy Lou.

*I look at the President of China and think to myself, "Hu is this guy?"
"Hu does he think he is?"
I wonder if he's in the book, "Who's Hu?"
I mean, after all, you know Hu. There -- got it out of my system.

*The government has given final approval to the merger of NBC and Comcast. The new company now has so much power, they're going to move 10pm to Leno.

*Kanye West will reportedly play a gay character in an upcoming movie. The name of the film? "Kanye? Yes I Kan!"

*The Berkeley City Council is voting to have taxpayers pay for sex changes for city employees. Wouldn't it be cheaper to just hire more women, rather than making them?


   1. Snooki's poof being caught with Donald Trump's weekend hairpiece
   2. The Situation gets resolved
   3. Pauly D is shocked to find out "D" is part of the alphabet
   4. Angelina tries to cope with being the only cast member whose name doesn't end with an "E" sound
   5. Snooki changing her name to Snook-E


   1. Wants to find out once and for all if there really is a dame at Notre Dame
   2. Tired of telling Kathie Lee "No, you can't come back"
   3. Wants to try out for Bret Favre's job
   4. Wants more Joy in his life
   5. He has now interviewed every living person at least once

Laugh a little, would ya?

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