This Week's Wacks

Our 802nd Edition
"801 and still havin' fun!"

Available on a daily basis through Radio On-line
Click here for a free trial

March 32nd, 2011

This week in 1886, Coca Cola was invented. Did you know that cocaine was an ingredient in the drink until congress banned it in 1904?  Coke was that close to having Charlie Sheen as a spokesperson.

The latest reports say CBS wants Charlie Sheen back. Wow -- an entire network that needs counseling!

Great idea I saw on Twitter: "Weird Al Night" on American Idol.

It's being reported that Moammar Gadhafi is surrounded by an elite core of female bodyguards. Or, as Charlie Sheen calls them, his "goddesses."

Now they're saying there's a lot more radiation in Japan than was first thought. Even Godzilla is now only drinking bottled water.

Casey Abrams was rescued by the judges in a dramatic results episode of "American Idol" last week. When he found out he was sticking surround, he swore so much, many people thought he'd just won the Oscar for best actress.

A new study says our happiness peaks when we reach our 80's. Of course, by then, we'll thought they said, "We're happiest when we pee" and for all I know, they could still be right.

Harry Coover, the guy who invented Super Glue, has died at age 94. He finally ran into something he couldn't fix.

Paul Baran, one of the early developers of the Internet, has died at age 84. He must have had something to do with the invention of Al Gore.

A new study says that happiness peaks in the 80s. That's as in life, not how fast you're driving.

As God is my witness, this is "National Atheists Week."

They're the ones that want to change the slogan on our money to, "We don't know who to trust."

Joan Rivers went on stage the night Elizabeth Taylor died and told an Elizabeth Taylor joke, leaving the audience gasping. AFLAC quickly hired her as the new voice of their duck just so they could fire her.

Harry and David have filed for bankruptcy. They turned in the paperwork along with a delightful assortment of dried fruit and nuts.

Several on-line abbreviations have made it into the Oxford Dictionary, including "BFF," "OMG" and "IMHO." They left out "WTF", which as you know, stands for... Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

The people of New York are still dealing with a bed bug infestation. They've been trying to get rid of the unwanted pests, but the New Yorkers refuse to leave.

Leann Rhimes says she's going to take the advice of a friend and only argue with her new love, Eddie Cibrian, when naked. All I can say is, "Here's to many public arguments!"

Lady Gaga was given the original ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz for her birthday on Monday. Who knew she was friends with the Wicked Witch of the West?

The Pussycat Dolls are holding online auditions for new members. Apparently the old members will be given away to good homes in front of a store.

See, that's because they're more like cats. If they were more like dolls, your mom would have given them to Goodwill after you went away to college. Too soon?

I was watching "Dancing with the Stars" the other night. Remember back when celebrities were famous?

Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen is writing a book about the beginning of Microsoft that differs from the way Bill Gates remembers. It's a matter of "Geek said/Geek said!"

I just combed through page after page of "People you may know" on Facebook. I had no idea I didn't know that many people!

May I just say that , as an adult, Hop Scotch is much more fun now that we use real Scotch.

Harley Lappin, the director of the U.S. Bureau of Prisons, was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving.  I sense a new episode of "Undercover Boss" coming on….

A new survey says that religious persecution is increasing….and I say it's because of all those Lutherans!

Donald Trump Jr. and his wife are expecting their third child together.  Another heir in the soup!

Denny's is now offering a "Maple Bacon Sundae".  Yep, bacon and ice cream.  Be sure and ask for the "Just shoot me now" special.


  1.     Having to yell out, "Oh my no one!"
  2.     Miracles are now just "unexplained coincidences"
  3.     After scoring a touchdown and pointing up, they're just pointing at stadium lights
  4.     Singing "No one bless America" just doesn't have the same ring to it
  5.     No Christmas presents (Hey, if you're not gonna walk the walk... )


  1.     It just made a Geiger counter go off... in Nevada.
  2.     This soup just melted my spoon
  3.     Why does this apple have four stems?
  4.     It's sizzling and you haven't cooked it yet
  5.     The fridge light bulb burned out, but when you open the door, it's still bright inside!

Yes, I know it said "March 32nd" at the top of the page.  April "you know what"!

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--A guide to senior texting and rain on demand are featured on this week's E-Mail of the Week.
PSPS--Bloggin' this week about a dark moment in my radio past and a haunted clock. Click here
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm over here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack