This Week's Wacks

Our 804th Edition
"It should be Income Tax Day but they're giving us an
extra three days to file our extension"

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April 15th, 2011

Funny, but a week ago today we were worried that our government might shut down.  Now some of us are afraid it's going to keep going.

How about this? Homeland Security is looking at issuing terror alerts on Twitter and Facebook! Of course, the "Like" button probably isn't going to get a lot of work...

What was the deal with Iggy Pop on American Idol? The last time he was relevant, the contestants hadn't even been born yet.

Wow, shutting down an entire government like that. Is there any way for our congress to be sent over to Libya?

President Obama announced that he will run for re-election in 2012. This time his slogan is going to be, "No, seriously, we can!"

Elton John revealed that his son's godmother is Lady Gaga. Notice I didn't say "fairy godmother," not that there's anything wrong with that.

The rule on dirty diapers at Elton's house: "Don't ask, just change!"

I see that Southwest Airlines is offering 10% off. Not the airfares, just the jets.

In a big shocker last week, Pia was voted off "American Idol." However, she did go on to sweep the Boston Red Sox over the weekend.

Ben Roethlisberger has announced that he's engaged. He'll get married in July, immediately following his 7 year bachelor party.

In Ecuador, there's a move to ban bullfighting. Not everyone is happy about it. Of course, the bulls are thrilled.

Toyota says they're going to start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. Last I heard, cars already had a "crash" feature.

A new study found that families with two daughters are the happiest. Obviously a study done way before having to pay for two weddings.

In Saudi Arabia, they're going to construct a building over one mile high! Great news for those who want to join the Mile High club, but are afraid to fly.

You know what's really frustrating? Not being able to think of another word for 'thesauraus'.

A new study shows that multi-tasking can actually result in memory loss and something else.

Who even knew there was a new Ed Asner sitcom called "Working Class" on the CMT network? For that matter, who knew there was a CMT? In any case, it's been canceled -- the show, not the network.

Kirstie Alley lost a shoe during Monday night's "Dancing with the Stars." It's a good thing she's on that show and not in the Kentucky Derby -- they might have put her down!

The good news is, when she threw that shoe, the jockey stayed on.

I seriously saw these words in a print ad: "You'll never be younger than you are right now!" Well, uh, yeah... DUH!

Rihanna says she gets so frustrated with the way Britney Spears behaves, that she would just like to spank her. The three words that popped in my mind? Pay per view!"

GOING AROUND: A friend of mine just started his own business. He manufactures landmines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof.

The Seattle Museum of Flight had hoped to receive one of the four retiring space shuttles. Apparently, there was a bit of confusion in the paperwork and instead, we're going to receive an iPod Shuffle.

For the record this is the 37th annual National Volunteer Week. So who wants to wash my car?

A new survey shows that 50% of Americans don't care what the other 50% think... and THAT'S why we have the government we've got.

Sugar Ray Leonard was eliminated this week on "Dancing with the Stars." Judges said he bobbed when he should have weaved.

A new study shows that multi-tasking can actually result in memory loss and something else.

People Magazine named Jennifer Lopez the most beautiful woman in the world. 2nd place went to Steven Tyler.

I'm tired.  I desperately need a nap, but I don't want to become an air traffic controller.

A New Zealand airline is offering what they call "cuddle class." Is that what now call "coach and a blanket"?

If Donald Trump is serious about this "running for president" stuff, he'll need a theme song.  How about Mellissa Etheridge's song, "I wanna comb-over"?

Wednesday was "Movie Night" on American Idol.  While American Idol was on, we watched a movie.

In Australia, a new survey revealed that 4-million Australians drink every week with the purpose of getting drunk.  It's good to have goals.


    #1--Tofu Ham
    #2--Good Friday changed to "Just OK Friday"
    #3--All Spring Egg Hunt contestants given GPS to help find eggs
    #4--The Spring Bunny hands out broccoli
    #5--Official greeting is, "Happy Non-Religious Pointless Bright Color Festival Day"


   #1-- When you showed up, served you hot yogurt
   #2-- Class will continue only until someone gets sweaty
   #3--Keeps complaining that she's "too hot" throughout entire class
   #4--Conducts entire class using "Yoda" voice
   #5--Reminds everyone at the beginning of class that Yoga Bear is smarter than the average bear

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--Funniest email I've received in years, a new "Joke of the Feature" and more on this week's E-Mail of the Week page.
PSPS--On the blog, rings and things like Mariners and a PC Seattle Easter.  Hang on and click here
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm over here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack