This Week's Wacks

Our 812th Edition
"812--what you confess if you ate the whole dozen donuts yourself"
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June 10th, 2011

Is that a Tweet from Congressman Weiner or are you just happy to see me?

My guess is that Weiner's friends have dropped the phrase, "How's it hangin'?" from their vocabulary completely.

Now Congressman Weiner is saying that he was just warning that college student about the dangers of European cucumbers. Uh, yeah...

A new survey claims that consumer confidence is still very low. In fact, most people won't buy that.

Scientists are using a robot explorer at the pyramids in Egypt to photograph secret chambers that humans haven't seen in 4,500 years. What's really scary is that the first few hieroglyphics that were translated said, "Welcome to Starbucks."

Former Presidential Candidate John Edwards has been indicted on six felony charges. The most serious: fathering a child with another woman while married and NOT being a governor.

With rumored new photos about to emerge, they're saying this week could be hard on Weiner. Even if it isn't, it's just fun saying it.

In Saudi Arabia, they have a new law: only women are allowed to work in lingerie shops. Pretty big words from men who walk around in robes all the time.

Good news for fans of the Tea Party: they're talking about creating a decaffeinated version!

Iran has canceled the capital punishment scheduled for a man convicted of viewing porn on his computer. The guy's lawyer convinced their Supreme Court that he had gone to the website accidentally. Well, I'm glad it's not just me.

Scratch another country from the possible vacation list...

Facebook keeps suggesting people that I may know that I don't know. If I knew them, wouldn't I know them already?

After watching the M-TV Movie Awards Sunday, I already know which show is going to win at the Emmy's this fall for "Most Awkward Moments."

Oops! Just accidentally sent a suggestive photo on Twitter: I may already be a Weiner.

Nothing like an accidental Tweeting to put the old Sheen on the Weiner!

Congressman Weiner is so on-edge these days. Now he's upset because he got an email informing him that someone on Facebook had commented on his link.

There has been so much attention about this Anthony Weiner incident that Mel Gibson has gone back to leaving phone messages.

I wonder how much longer until Comedy Central tries to put on a Weiner roast?

How could it possibly get any sticker for Congressman Weiner? How about finding out his wife is now pregnant? Can a tweet of ultra-sound pictures be far behind?

Prince William and his wife Kate have posted an ad for a housekeeper. The only stipulation in the ad was, "must never have worked for the Schwarzeneggers."

Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi celebrated his 60th birthday this week. NATO forces threw several surprise parties for him. Oh, I'm sorry, that's not parties... that's "bombs."

Lawmakers here in New York have proposed a new program to teach teenagers about the dangers of sexting. Ironically, a group of sexters are creating a program of their own, that would warn teenagers about becoming New York politicians.

One again, I'd like to give a personal thanks to all of our soldiers fighting overseas to keep us safe and free, except for Delta Airlines. Frankly troops, I understand...


  1.     Proud member of the "Future Phantoms of the Opera" club
  2.     Only half-likes hockey
  3.     She doesn't want to be recognized
  4.     Finds it much more effective than sun screen
  5.     Wait! This isn't a masquerade ball? Damn that assistant!


  1.     George Washington had wooden teeth and saw his carpenter twice a year
  2.     Betsy Ross's nickname was "You betcha" Ross
  3.     Thomas was not the name of the main character in TV's "The Jeffersons"
  4.     How Ben Franklin discovered electability
  5.     After a laundry accident, it was actually the Pink Coats that were coming

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--Some excitement outside a sister's job this week in our E-Mail of the Week.
PSPS--For one week, I was a chauffeur.  Click here
PSPSPS--If you have Facebook, I'm over here
PSPSPSPS---Follow Tim on Twitter @timwack