This Week's Wacks

Our 813th Edition
"Our?  What do I mean by 'our'?"
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June 17th, 2011

Newt Gingrich's entire campaign staff just resigned and walked out. That makes the second politician in the news, having trouble with his staff.

The sun has let off a huge solar blast. Apparently, someone must have pulled the finger of the universe.

A new study found that being bored can be good for your brain. See -- yet another benefit of listening to this show!

Zillow is coming out with it's own ap. Now, if you have an iPhone, the latest depressing news about your house can go with you everywhere!

The Dallas Mavericks won the NBA Championship and for the first time in league history, two cities celebrated -- Dallas for the victory and Cleveland for Miami losing.

Congressman Anthony Weiner announced over the weekend that he was taking a leave of absence to enter rehab. They have texting rehab?

Weiner said he realized his life was getting out of control when his wife informed him they had a little cocktail wiener in the oven.

Scientists say they have discovered three genes that cause headaches. The scientists must have been women because they named the genes "Not tonight 1," "Not tonight 2" and "Definitely not tonight 3."

Greece now has the worst credit in the world. The phrase, "You gotta give them credit" now officially applies to everyone except them.

The good news for Greece -- they've stopped getting all that credit card junk mail!

New LeBron James bath soap -- when it's all over, there's no ring!

Sasha Obama celebrated her 10th birthday this week. The party gave Vice-President Joe Biden an excuse to put on the clown costume again.

85-year-old Hugh Hefner and 25-year-old Crystal Harris were supposed to get married this Saturday, but Crystal has called it off. No reason was given, although "coming to her senses" is a strong favorite.

Apparently, Crystal had a change of heart... which is something Hugh Hefner was said to be considering once they found a matching donor.

I can hear Hugh now--"Uh, honey, can you describe it some other way than saying 'You broke it off!'?"

Word is she had wanted to change the wedding vows to include the phrase, "richer or death."

The two had planned to spend their honeymoon getting out of the car.

I had a feeling she was up to no good. For their first song, Crystal had chosen "When I fall".

Arnold Schwarzenegger's mistress is talking... around 13 years too late.

While Arnold has been talking all along, we just haven't understood what he's been saying.

I'm old enough that if someone said they were going to text me a picture of their junk, I would just assume it was from Fred Sanford.

A porn star says that Congressman Weiner asked her to lie for him. Wow, what a dilemma: who's more trustworthy--a porn star or a congressman?

About this economy of ours -- why isn't there an ap for that?

See, I told you $4 a gallon gas would soon be a thing of the past. I just wasn't sure if it was going to go up or down.

Pandora stock went out the roof Wednesday. Once again, my ship came in and I was at the airport.

President Obama said, in regards to the economy, “The sky is not falling.”  And now, giving the Republican response is Congressman Chicken Little.

I’m really bummed that Hugh Hefner’s wedding this weekend was called off.  I’m really upset that, even with a receipt, they won’t let you return pharmaceuticals.

Those hockey fans who rioted up in Vancouver after they lost the Stanley Cup—those weren’t Canucks.  The rioters were Canuckleheads.

The good news---Congressman Anthony Weiner is going to resign.  The even better news---he’s NOT doing it by texting.

I mean, really, how far could his political career have actually gone?  He gets to one of those debates where they ask playfully, “boxers or briefs” and we already know!


  1.     Didn't like the idea of having the bridal registry with Forrest Lawn (local            cemetery)
  2.     Bunny infestation at the Playboy Mansion
  3.     Hugh's constant flirting with Crystal's great-grandmother
  4.     Upcoming rumored Viagra shortage
  5.     Hugh just had his physical -- he was in perfect health!


  1.     This space available for advertising
  2.     Need cash for new cardboard sign
  3.     Want to go see "Super 8"
  4.     Need money to buy LeBron Championship Ring
  5.     Will Text Crotch-Shot for Food


  1.     Larry King's Wives
  2.     A really good, cheap motel
  3.     The Gosselin kids
  4.     Cloning the Olsen Twins
  5.     Congressman Weiner's Twitter Pals

Laugh a little, would ya?

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