This Week's Wacks

Our 817th Edition
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July 15th, 2011

Obesity is on the rise in the United States. I read that in the newspaper the other day during my second lunch.

Vice President Joe Biden has a new Twitter account. To show how hip and happening he is, Biden said he Twatted four times today.

Former baseball manager Dick Williams has died. My guess he's up in heaven at this very moment, arguing the call.

Casey Anthony will become a free woman this weekend. I'm taking comfort in the fact that at least she had to miss the All-Star game.

For the first time in 30 years, the U.S. Government did not print any new $10 in 2010. That's probably because the $20 bills are now worth $10.

William and Kate have gone back to England. You can stop sucking it in.

J.K. Rowling says she has the right to change her mind and could always write another Harry Potter book if it feels right. I'm afraid if she waits too long, it'll be something like, "Harry Potter and the Little Blue Pill."

Alex Rodriguez is going to have knee surgery. Team officials say he'll miss 4-6 weeks of baseball and somewhere between 10 and 15 new girlfriends.

A new survey says that 1 in 4 Americans believe that there are space aliens living among us. I know my neighbor, Melbmag, thinks that's just plain silly.

New research suggests that sitting too much could be its own separate risk factor for disease. There's more on that table over there... WAY over there. You'll just have to take my word for it.

So many Hollywood babies being born these days.

Jewel had a baby. Probably not going to name him 'Pearl'.

President Obama, in talking about getting down to the hard work of figuring out a budget, said "It's time to eat our peas." So now Michelle has congress eating more vegetables? I wonder what's for dessert?

President Obama said that it's time for us to "eat our peas." Republicans were quiet, but slipped them under the table and fed them to the dog.

Isn't there a new Harry Potter movie coming out soon?

Glenn Beck has moved to Texas. No, we don't know what they did to deserve that.

Scientists say the first person who will live to the age of 150 has already been born... which, of course, means lots more years of "60-Minutes."

A Texas woman has given birth to a 16-pound baby. As she held her new baby in her arms, she looked over at her husband with a tear in her eye and said, "Touch me again and die!"

Problems at the annual Seattle to Portland bicycle ride last weekend. Someone decided to spread tacks along four miles of the route. Republicans say Democrats are probably responsible for the tacks.

The worst part about Harry Potter being over: Hogwarts goes back to meaning a medical condition.

The Emmy Award nominations have been announced.  The annual event that points out just how many popular TV shows I've never heard of…..

I'm trying to get all caught up on the Harry Potter story before I go to the final movie. In one of the earlier movies, did that sorcerer ever pass his stone?

Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, said in an interview that her mom has "God on her side." Well, we now know who God voted for in the last election.


  1.     Stand still so runners can run around him in the "Hagrid 5K"
  2.     Take over for Katie Couric
  3.     Apply to become the JV Quidditch coach at Hogwarts
  4.     Shave his beard and take 200 years off his face
  5.     Apply for statehood


  1. How to correctly spell "Hermione"
  2. Giving a hero to the rest of us raised under a staircase
  3. Proof that snakes are, in fact, evil
  4. Hogwarts are nothing to be ashamed of
  5. Lightning bolt scars on the forehead are cool 

Laugh a little, would ya?

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