This Week's Wacks

Our 818th Edition
"A 1 with 8's as bookends"
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July 22nd, 2011

A new study says that drinking too much water can be bad for your health. They needed a study for that? Isn't that called 'drowning'?

So, the government is coming up on a deadline and they might stop making payments: so, they're going to give us the same option not to pay next April 15th, right?

I miss Harry Potter.

Kate Hudson and Matthew Bellamy have named their new son, Bingham. Ironically, to see a picture of him, I had to Google him.

They call it the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale because you end up spending what a couple should spend on an anniversary gift, right?

So helicopters are flying over Seattle to see how much radiation we're getting from Japan after their nuclear plant problems. Wait--isn't that Mothra out on the front yard?

Sometimes I stay awake at night, afraid I'm going to get insomnia.

The joke going around: Casey Anthony calls 9-1-1 and tells the operator that she needs help, people are trying to kill her. The operator says, "What's your name?" and she replies, "Casey Anthony." The operator then asks her to remain calm. An officer will be sent out there in 31 days.

Kyra Sedgwick got some surprising news when she traced her family tree with Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates: She and actor husband Kevin Bacon are 10th cousins once removed. Then again, aren't we all -- one way or the other -- related to Kevin Bacon?

I guess I didn't realize back when President Obama was campaigning and he said, "I want to go to D.C. and raise the roof!" he was talking about the debt ceiling.

Casey Anthony is doing everything possible to avoid people. I understand she's gone to see the new Tom Hanks movie five times.

Some people act so surprised when I brag about poking my wife three or four times a week. They must not be on Facebook.

The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile is celebrating its 75th birthday this week in New York City, the town that made Wiener a household word.

Lindsay Lohan is still mad because she auditioned for -- but didn't get -- a role in the movie, "Black Swan." Probably because it would have been type-casting.

Seattle's own version of the hacking scandal -- the Seattle Mariners -- scored only one run in three games and have lost 9 in a row.

For those of you not familiar with the Harry Potter story, Voldemort is the person whose name no one speaks out of fear he'll show up. It's sort of like how the White House treats Joe Biden.

The Harry Potter movies have made billions of dollars. The U.S. is billions of dollars in debt. To me, the answer is obvious: President Harry Potter.

I can see it now: "Potter/Hagrid 2012."

There's a woman who is publishing 12 years worth of her text messages in a book. What's even worse, she goes to movie theaters and reads them out loud.

California officials announced that the 405 freeway will be open this weekend. However, Heidi Montag will be closed for her annual maintenance.

The Borders book store chain is closing the rest of their stores. Now Doctors Without Borders really is without.

Tiger Woods has fired his long-time caddy. Yeah, I was pretty sure that was the problem, too.

A new study shows that nearly a quarter of all Americans have participated in binge drinking. That's over a fifth... who drank over a fifth.

The heatwave continues across most of the country. At the White House, President Obama ordered the installation of debt ceiling fans.

Here an idea: instead of raising the debt ceiling, couldn't we just lower the debt floor?

A new study says the taller you are, the better your chances of cancer. Being 6-3, I'm immediately going to begin a program of slouching.


  1.     Oil companies saying it's too hot to raise gas prices (not THAT'S too hot)
  2.     Democrats say it's too hot to blame the Republicans and visa versa
  3.     People setting air conditioners in car to the "Arctic" setting
  4.     Neighborhood lemonade stands jacking up their prices
  5.     Rupert Murdock requesting ice cream pie in the face
  6.     The rapper Ice Cube: melted
  7.     Rupert Murdock seen hacking into a Ben and Jerry's store
  8.     A robin using pot holders to catch his worm
  9.     In front of him: a cactus doing the same thing
  10.     You see the devil at Home Depot buying a box fan


  1.     Harry Potter? All this time I thought it was LARRY Potter!
  2.     Hagrid would be awesome in the NFL!
  3.     The 2011 brooms have a much sportier look than the 2010's
  4.     Wait a minute -- I'M a muggle!
  5.     Voldemort has the same nose as Michael Jackson

Laugh a little, would ya?

PS--If this graph doesn't sum up my life, nothing does.  See this week's E-Mail of the Week.
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