This Week's Wacks

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August 5th, 2011

In 1999, the world population hit 6-billion. Sometime this year, we'll hit the 7-billion person mark. And most of those people will be on the 405 this afternoon at 5 o'clock!

McDonald's says they plan to open their first restaurant in China within the next four years. Imagine how popular their happy meals will be when they let the factory workers take a lunch!

Tomorrow night is "National Night Out", when neighbors are supposed to gather and meet each other to help prevent crime...although publicizing the fact that an entire neighborhood won't home that night seems counter to the idea.

According to a survey, kids are receiving an average of 40 cents less from the tooth fairy these days... which has some kids thinking they may just keep their teeth.

Arnold Schwarzenegger spent his birthday over the weekend with Maria Shriver. Well, of course she did. She gets 50% of his birthday cake, 50% of his presents...

A new study says adults in Washington, D.C. have the worst drinking problems. With the way the country is being run, is that any surprise?

The latest Harry Potter film has already cracked the $1-billion mark in ticket sales. We must stop them! Attention all people who haven't seen it yet or read the book: Voldemort dies!

Hey federal government, here's an idea--produce a movie: "Harry Potter and the Congress of Doom!"

M-TV celebrates it's 30th birthday this week, officially making it too old for itself.

Vice-President Joe Biden called members of the Tea Party "terrorists". In retaliation, members of the Tea Party called the Vice-President....a Joe Biden!

Kim Kardashian has chosen Vera Wang to design her wedding dress. Kim wanted to hire someone with a lot of wedding experience, but Larry King was booked.

This compromise you're hearing about back in D.C. would allow our country to go another $2.4-trillion in debt. You know, a trillion here, a trillion there... after a while, this is going to start to add up!

House minority leader Nancy Pelosi described the deal as a "Satan sandwich with Satan fries on the side." Most likely, Devil's Food cake for dessert.

Needless to say, when Satan heard he was being compared with congress, he announced he's suing for slander.

Police have charged a 29-year-old Dunkin Donuts employee with prostitution after she was caught selling sex acts out of her New Jersey Dunkin Donuts store. The arrest came after an undercover officer ordered an old-fashioned and asked for his maple bar to be warmed.

Interesting how President Obama was elected on "hope and change." Now, that's how he's going to spend his time before the next election -- hoping things change.

Britney Spears brought her boyfriend up on stage during one of her concerts the other night and did a lap dance for him. This explains why he always carries a lot of ones.

The world's 7-billionth person is expected to be born in India in October. So this fall, when a call center puts you on hold for a very long time….you'll know why.

New York City has been voted the most "walkable" city in the world.
I can't help but think that there's a connection to the fact it's also the most "unparkable" city in the world.

The new season of "Jersey Shore" begins this week. It happened when our government leaders were distracted by the economy.

They say sharks are more afraid of us than we are of them. I've always wondered if sharks have nightmares and when they do, they're dreaming of choking on one of us.

A-Rod is being investigated for being involved with illegal poker games.  The action Major League Baseball takes could directly affect the action Cameron Diaz gets.

A company in Seattle is coming out with a medical marijuana patch for cats.  It's hard for me to imagine them even lazier.

I just saw an article that asked the question, "Are smart phones taking over our lives?" but rather than read it, I've got an app that will check for me.


  1.     Bars on the windows...of the doghouse
  2.     Police started buying their crime scene tape at Costco
  3.     Your car was left up on blocks -- now someone stole the blocks!
  4.     Burglars stay away because they feel it's not safe
  5.     You see what kind of night it was by counting the chalk outlines


  1.     Telling us that now the economy is going to be OK
  2.     Serving unsweetened lemonade
  3.     Putting your pet porcupine in the wading pool
  4.     Putting mosquito attractant in the mosquito repellant bottle
  5.     Fly paper on the Slip & Slide

Laugh a little, would ya?

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