This Week's Wacks

Our 821st Edition
"821--did that with donuts this week!"

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August 12th, 2011

The 7-billionth person in the world will be born this October. The even more amazing part -- Arnold will have to tell Maria that 2-million of them have the name Schwarzenegger!

A new study says that swearing doesn't make you feel better. My thought: it couldn't BLEEPIN' hurt.

A peacock escaped from a New York Zoo and wisely went to Greenwich Village, where it could blend in.

Rough week for Wall Street. The Dow Jones was dropping faster than Anthony Weiner's pants!

Justin Timberlake says he's confident that he still would have had a successful career without NSYNC. My guess is that also would have been as confident.

Well, time for another season of football to be delivered. The water broke on Thursday.

President Obama and the American Dollar continue playing popularity golf -- each trying to reach the lowest score!

A restaurant here in New York is serving a grilled cheese-flavored martini. I'm assuming it's for those who like a bit more comfort in their comfort food.

More bad economic news from Standard and Poor. They've had to lay off Standard. It's now just Poor.

Well, we asked for change. Now, that's all I've got left in my 401K.

A new study says that walking around is the best way to shorten your stay at a hospital... especially in the direction of the door.

Saw my stock broker going into work today... wearing a parachute.

The key to financial happiness is to tape the stock report, start watching at the end and play it backwards!

Following the riots over in London, the sales of baseball bats on Amazon UK soared 5,000%. However, most people in Britain just plan to have them around and not really use them. Sort of like the Seattle Mariners.

A 26-year-old widow says that she coped with the sudden death of her young husband by eating his cremated remains. A support group would have been so much less disgusting.

Of all the places he might have wanted to be scattered, I can't imagine that this was anywhere on the list.

Tell me that I'm not the only one who thought "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" might be sponsored by Cialus.

When the U.S. credit rating was downgraded to AA+, government officials felt like a drink. A plus size one. Oh, now I get it.

A new poll shows that 9% believe the U.S. is on the right financial track. 22% think we're on the wrong track. And 68% say they think they see some lights on the track up ahead coming right at us!

The world's largest fishing lure was unveiled in Florida Wednesday.  It's 12-feet long and weighs over 355-pounds.  Imagine how big the fishing pole has to be!

Apple is now worth more than any other U.S. company, including Exxon…and, last I remember, there has never been an iPod spill.

So, when President Obama said he had 'good news about Jobs'…he was referring to Steven.

One day, I'm going to go out on the golf course and hit my age.  That's my goal.  Well, that and living to be 136.


  1.     Actually (gulp) go back to MySpace
  2.     Unlike it
  3.     Sell off the Farmville farm and fast!
  4.     Post pictures on the fridge
  5.     Stop communicating with friends


  1.     No one had warned you it was alligator mating season. I just can't talk about it.
  2.     It was right next to a mosquito farm
  3.     The place looked just like the brochure, if you didn't include the pictures
  4.     Swimming pool was closed... back in 2003
  5.     Something not very relaxing about a resort that used to be a prison

Laugh a little, would ya?

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